Night. Chapter ten.

Piyo- 1 month.

2010-03-12T00:00:00.002+08:00

Piyo from Gakido.

It's 1 month since the accident and his death.

R.I.P Piyo.

I'm very affected by his death, though I am not a huge fan of Gakido. And every time I listen to "Yandere toki ni utau uta", I feel sad.

I am going to bed.

Listening to: Gakido- Yandere toki ni utau uta.

ITP shit.

2010-03-05T00:24:00.002+08:00

Yu-ya from Rhetoric.

ITP is shit.

I am still unclear of my job roster because my off-day was supposedly only Monday and now in the roster that my manager sent me, my off-day is on Sunday. I'm supposed to travel between two branches. Bloody hell.

My transport fees exceeds my pathetic salary of $450 per month.

I'm now sick and resting at home. Or else I have no chance to rest at all.

And my lecturer gives me extra work DURING ITP. Great.

This holiday is hell.

Listening to: ViViD- Feast of the moon.

ITP.

2010-03-01T23:37:00.002+08:00

Kaede from FULL EFFECT.

ITP starts today. My feet died from standing all day. Job was damn boring. Just stood around, packed jewelry. I fell asleep multiple times. Lol.

Serious lack of sleep for this holiday. Working 10am to 8pm.

I was working at the NATAS fair for the past 3 days. Worked 9am to 10pm at Expo. Serious overkill. I think I just killed myself because of that. Damn tired. The Korean tour guides were damn amusing though. Especially Mr. "Harabochi". XD

Need to go work again tomorrow. I'm dying. I seriously don't understand how girls wear those totally flat shoes (they call it palms?) and walk around for the entire day. Those shoes killed my feet and cut my ankles. How do they even wear it by choice?!

Going to sleep! Less than 7 hours left. @_@

I hope that after ITP, I'll slim down. Hopefully.

Work sucks.

Listening to: Lycaon- RED RUM.

1 year and 9 months.

2010-02-16T23:50:00.002+08:00

Ken from AND~

1 year and 9 months anniversary. Love you most, Pochi. X3

Went to Gyu Kaku for dinner today. The restaurant's interior was really classy and the food was quite good. Though Pochi forgot that we had to make reservations. Lol.

Although my mum found out about our relationship, I feel that it made our relationship stronger than before. Though we still quarrel from time to time, like today. And the period of time that I was stuck in Malaysia thanks to CNY made us closer as well.

Frankly speaking, I didn't think our relationship would have lasted so long. Especially with all the quarrels and fights going on. Somehow or rather, we are still together, which I am really thankful for.

Pochi was a tad feverish when I left her house. Hopefully, she's not down with flu.

I should go to bed now.

Listening to: REDuniverse- COMPLETE SILENCE.

GAKIDO- Piyo.

2010-02-13T18:48:00.002+08:00

Piyo from Gakido.

Rest in peace, Piyo (Yoshiaki Yamada).

For those who don't know, Gakido was involved in a very serious car accident on 12 February, on their way to Nagoya from Osaka. Yohya and Yuu got minor injuries. Rito was injured on the right side of his body and had to get stitches on his head. Shuutaro was thrown out of the vehicle and had 3 stitches on his side. Tossy was injured all over and remains hospitalised.

Piyo was thrown out of the vehicle and suffered a blow to his head, which resulted in instant death. He didn't die in much pain.

He's only 28 years old. And the really sad thing is that, his last blog post was just 15 minutes before his death.

It's really saddening to see something like that happen to J-Rockers.

Listening to: Gakido- Yanderu toki ni utau uta.

Headache.

2010-02-11T13:56:00.002+08:00

Kazuki from ScReW~<3

His hair looks a little funny though.

I slept for 2 hours, and right now, I think I'm a zombie.

8 more days till the end of school. *\(^0^)/*

I wanna die already.

I'm not making much sense.

My MP4 is going crazy. I need to get a new one already~~

Listening to: DELUHI- Revolver Blast.

New ScReW member.

2010-02-11T03:32:00.002+08:00

ScReW~

They got a new bassist already. His name is Rui. X3

Although I miss Yuuto, but welcome to Rui!

I am dying from exhaustion. I need to wake at 6am. And I'm still up at this hour. Presentation in the morning. I am dead.

My mouth has this weird stale taste that I can't get rid of. It's horrid.

Listening to: DELUHI- Hello.

Phail.

2010-02-09T16:54:00.000+08:00

Mahiro from Kiryuu.

Only because he's my current bishie obsession. X3

My head hurts like fuck, my life is like shit and I hate my life.

That sums up my life.

Why?

I am sick at the most crucial period, nearing deadline. Sorry to Kiera who has been doing most of the work for our group project up till now because of it.

At the time where I have to focus on my work, I am sick, my mum is being totally anal about my love life, I have to worry about needing to go back to Malaysia for Chinese New Year. Fuck.

Fuck the ang paos and meeting with relatives. All of those can go to hell and burn. I don't need fucking stingy ang paos of RM2 dollars from everyone. I don't need my relatives telling me how good the food in Singapore is (because I am fat). I don't need my mum trying to keep me in Malaysia because she wants to keep me away from my girlfriend. I don't need to go back to Malaysia and put up with the sweltering heat. I don't need to get rashes and mosquito bites all over me. I don't need to get any more tanned than I am now. I don't need to be trapped in a hell hole where I cannot be with my girlfriend at all. I don't need to be fucking stuck in freaking Malaysia on fucking Valentine's Day because it is fucking Chinese goddamned New fucking Year.

_|_

Fuck this.

I am seriously considering the option of running away from home OR quarelling with my mum about my love life just to avoid Chinese New Year celebration in Malaysia.

I hate fucking Chinese New Year. If a fucking pathetic 2 to 3 days holiday means that I need to be kept away from my girlfriend and put up with all the shit as stated above, I'll rather not have it.

Whoever who invented Chinese New Year, screw you and your fucking bored life. _|_

Thinking about all these makes my head hurt even more.

Ughhh.

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

Damn it.

Listening to: Kiryuu- Tsuki no hime.

Blank.

2010-02-08T15:25:00.002+08:00

Mahiro from Kiryuu~ <3

I'll say something that I did that was damn amazing. I woke up today and realised... That I didn't do my assignment that was due today. At all. I didn't start at all. It has really brought forgetfulness to a whole new level.

My mum hasn't said anything about making me choose between family and my relationship yet. Somehow, I think this is just going to be left like that.

I'm feeling damn sick. Headache, heart burn and a whole lot of crappy stuff.

I cut my hair short and dyed it black. I look like crap. @_@ The hairdresser cut my hair way too short, even after I told him to not cut too short. Ughh~

Japanese class today. I hope I'll be able to catch up. I'm falling behind again.

Listening to: Kiryuu- Meikyou Shisui.

Found out.

2010-02-06T18:38:00.002+08:00

Mahiro from Kiryuu~

My mum found out about my relationship with Pochi. She looked into my wallet and found the neoprints I took with Pochi. And she kicked up a huge fuss over it. Telling me that it's wrong, a mistake I shouldn't continue, saying that all she wanted was for me to be normal.

Then, she dragged my grandmother into this entire shit fest. My grandmother is old, I don't want her to worry about such things. First, she blabbed to my gran about my depression and mental instabilities. Then she tells my gran about my relationship with Pochi. Then she made my gran beg me to listen to her.

Initially, I tried to explain, I tried to make her understand. But all she could say was that it's wrong, I shouldn't do it, I need to end it, she couldn't accept it, I'm an ingrate, I'm wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong.

Then all I could do was just listen and keep quiet. Words completely fail me.

I have 3 days to decide whether I am to end with Pochi or get disowned. I don't need 3 days. I knew my answer from the start. Now, it's just to learn how to live my life independent.

I am sick of being told what's right and what's wrong. What is wrong about homosexual relationships? Aren't homosexuals humans too? What's with the fucking gender borders?! You can fucking accept fucking pedophiles (a.k.a MUCH older men dating women) and not homosexuals?! All of these people are just fucking homophobes. You're a homophobe, stay out of my life, don't tell me what to do.

十九年以来，你没有真正照顾我。
印象中只记得三姨和外婆的照顾。
你把我丢一旁，去做自己想做的事。
现在发现有不对就说我不肖，没良心。
这十九年，我是在没有选择的情况下和你生活在一起。
就算我多么厌倦你，也要忍下去。
就因为你是生我的母亲。
我有试着去做你理想中的女儿，但你还是只会批评我。
你问我，要我做一个正常的人，很难吗？
是，我无法做到。
Good wombs bore bad sons.
我想这句话形容的非常恰当。
对不起。
你的自私，不是每个人能忍受，不是我每次能忍让的。
如果有下辈子，希望我们不会再见。
你就不必那么失望痛心了。

This is seriously too dramatic. Really. I don't see the need to make it so dramatic.

I'm sick of drama.

Listening to: LYCAON- RED RUM.

Anti-depressants.

2010-02-05T08:34:00.002+08:00

Hikaru from D=OUT.

First day of medication. I am feeling the drowsy effect already. It's kinda retarded that they make me take my medication in the morning when it has a drowsy effect.

I'm having a splitting headache. I feel like napping. My eyes are swollen for some unknown reason. And I look like crap.

I'm watching Yamato Nadeshiko Shichi Henge, as in the Japanese drama. I think the casting is quite screwed up, though the show is still damn amusing.

I want to sleep.

I haven't gotten any new year clothes. I don't think there is any to suit me.

I feel like all my energy has been sucked out of me. Damn exhausted.

I think I'll sleep the whole of tomorrow away~

Listening to: OZ- Cry the crime (2008 ver.)

Ruki.

2010-02-01T23:50:00.002+08:00

Ruki of The GazettE.

Otanjoubi omedetou to Ruki from The GazettE. I remember his birthday because my cousin's birthday is on the same day. Or should I say it's the other way around? Lol.

I have decided that I need to go on a very strict diet. I need to stop stuffing my face. T^T -is fat-

I cannot stop reading The Wallflower. There are so many chapters to read. It's tiring to try to catch up, but it's annoying when there's no updates as well. I think I'm just hard to please. Lol. XD

Need to go buy more ball-bearings for my lip-studs and lip-rings soon. I keep dropping them and I have no more spare ones left. I need to buy at least 4 ball-bearings. I took out all the ball-bearings from my lip-rings to replace the ones I lost. @_@

My Japanese language teacher is damn amusing. XD She behaves like a little kid. But not in an annoying manner. Lol. I laughed till my face was red in class today when she was elated because Pochi brought Jagapokoru to class and gave her a few packets. I think she misses Japan a lot.

I want to eat tasty instant ramen from Japan. T^T

DAMN IT. I just lost control again. I think I'll never be thin. T^T

Damn my metabolism, damn cravings, damn laziness, damn fats. -wails-

SLEEP. I think I'm down with flu. @_@

Listening to: OZ- MirroR.

Kyaaaa.

2010-02-01T13:09:00.002+08:00

Hiyori and Mahiro of Kiryuu~

Haha. Talk about fanservice. X3

I was checking up on J-Rock bands yesterday. Currently added -OZ-, 0801弐209336, Hana Shounen Baddies, Heartless and Velgreed to my collection. X3

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OZ- Athena:
Obieru yoru ga furueru koe de
amaeru boku ni yori sou youni
towareru mede owareru boku wo
itsumademo tsunagi tomete

toberu hane mo jiyuu naki yorokobi
koeru asu mo towa he megure to hakanaku negatta

sorani kieru yume nukumori dake nokoshi
zutto kawara nai kimi heno omoi
doko he ike baii chiisa na hane hiroge
ima mo kimi wo machi tsudukeru kono basho de

kogoeta yoru ga kasureta koede
sasayaku boku ni azakeru youni
kowareta ai de kawareta boku wo
itsumademo tebanasa naide

toberu hane mo fujiyuu naki kurushimi
koeru asu mo towa he tatarete hakanaku chitta

sora ni kieru yume nukumori dake nokoshi
zutto kawara nai kimi heno omoi
doko he ike baii chiisa na hane hiroge
ima mo kimi wo machi tsudukete sakebu

sora ga kieru hi ni tome sho naku koboreta
nido to kae renai kimi heno omoi
negai kanau nara ichibyou dakedemoii
ima mo kimi wo matsu sekai ni hohoemi wo
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怯える夜が　震える声で
甘える僕に　寄り添う様に
問われる愛で　追われる僕を
いつまでも　繋ぎとめて

飛べる羽も　自由無き喜び
越える明日も　永久へ巡れと　儚く願った

空に消える夢　温もりだけ残し
ずっと変わらない　君への想い
何処へ行けばいい　小さな羽広げ
今も君を待ち続ける　この場所で

凍えた夜が　擦れた声で
囁く僕に　嘲る様に
壊れた愛で　飼われた僕を
いつまでも　手放さないで

飛べる羽も　不自由無き苦しみ
越える明日も　永久へ断たれて　儚く散った

空に消える夢　温もりだけ残し
ずっと変わらない　君への想い
何処へ行けばいい　小さな羽広げ
今も君を待ち続けて　叫ぶ

空が消える日に　止め処なく零れた
二度と代えれない　君への想い
願い叶うなら　一秒だけでもいい
今も君を待つ世界に　微笑を
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Translation:
The frightening night, in a trembling voice,
fawns over me, chasing me with a questionable love,
forever attaching itself to me
as if snuggling close,

Wings that can fly satisfied with no freedom,
As the passing tomorrow cycles toward eternity, they wished fleetingly

Dreams vanish into the sky, leaving only warmth behind,
My feelings toward you ever unchanging,
Where should I go? Spreading small wings,
Even now I continue waiting for you in this place,

The freezing night, in a rasping voice,
whispers to me, controlling me with a broken love,
never loosening its hold
as if mocking me,

Wings that can fly suffer despite no restraints,
As the passing tomorrow severs from eternity, they scattered fleetingly

Dreams vanish into the sky, leaving only warmth behind,
My feelings toward you ever unchanging,
Where should I go? Spreading small wings,
Even now I continue waiting for you, I scream,

My feelings for you that can never be replaced
spilled over uncontrollably on the day the sky disappeared,
If my wish will come true, even for a second,
in this world where even now I wait for you, a smile…
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am so damn tired~~~ @_@ I want to sleep. Horrible. Life is so tiring and boring. I want my holidays! T^T

Listening to: OZ- Athena.

Infection.

2010-01-31T12:14:00.002+08:00

Takuya from Administrator.

Talk about super spastic pose. XD

I was bored and I was looking through the music that I had in my laptop (which are all J-Rock songs, I'm proud to say). So I listened to D'espairs Ray. I've almost forgotten how awesome D'espairs Ray is. But yeah, what's interesting is that when I was looking through the lyrics of their songs, I realised "Infection" is an English song. Lol. I don't know whether to be impressed or amused that Hizumi managed to make it sound like Japanese or that because of my lack of understanding for Japanese language, I just listen to the overall music of J-Rock bands and bypass the stage where I try to decipher whether it's Japanese or English. Lol.

Anyway, the lyrics.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
D'espairs Ray- Infection:

My soul is frozen and it's tied.
My ears find no voice of you.
My legs torn in sadness.
I'm standing in the darkness. I can never go on.

Rain in the way. The light is far away.

How many times did I shout your name in the storm?
My voice's drying out.
I live because of you, so I believe.
"Close your eyes."
Therefore, this pain never heals.

My eyes flowing with sorrow has twisted my world.
Everlasting memories have lost its taste
and became my enemy and hate.

Rain in the way. The light is far away.

How many times did I shout your name in the storm?
My voice's drying out.
"Close your eyes."
I know... I can never reach for you.
I live because of you, so I believe.
"Close your eyes."
I don't regret dying for you.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am currently laughing like crap because of something epic my gran did. I am listening to music while using my laptop. And my earpiece is the in-ear type. So I can't hear anything but my music. So my gran was trying to tell me that curry is ready and I should go eat. And she called me multiple times before going, "HMPH. Don't call already." and stomped out of my room like a little kid. My sister, laughing like nobody's business, tapped me on the shoulder and told me what happened.

So I was laughing while I walked to the kitchen to find my grandma. Then she was like, "I called you so many times!" XD Then my sister came into the kitchen laughing while she opened the freezer. Then a frozen container of meat fell out and the container cracked. Then my gran was like, "鸡蛋炒鸭蛋..." in a manner where it sounded like she was scolding someone in a vulgar manner. I burst out laughing and nearly died. Lol. Super hilarious.

My legs are asleep. T^T I'm going to have trouble getting up later.

Listening to: D'espairs Ray- "Forbidden".

Sunako.

2010-01-31T11:11:00.002+08:00

Byou from ScReW~

I think he looks the best in the Gather Roses PV. Lol.

I am currently spacing out like no one's business. -___-|||

Drawn by Aidie. Lol. It's supposed to be me. But I'm pretty sure I'm not that thin. Lol. Thanks, Aidie.

I want to read The Wallflower but for some freaking goddamn unknown reason, my fucking internet seems to hate mangafox and not load. Bloody fuck. _|_

This picture of Sunako is damn epic though~

LM.C is releasing a new album on 3 March! *\(^0^)/*

My stupid internet refuses to let me enter LM.C's official site as well. Stupid broadband. Why the fuck am I paying so much money for such shitty connection?!

I want to sleep~~~~ @_@

Life's so boring.

Listening to: LM.C- Boys and Girls.

R.I.P phones.

2010-01-31T02:07:00.005+08:00

Takuya from Administrator~ <3

Just woke up in the middle of the night and had trouble getting back to sleep. So I'm blogging, since Pochi was complaining to me earlier today that there is no updates in my blog. Lol.

My phone died. Or rather, I should say, my PHONES died. My W508 died a few months back. There is a crack across the screen, making it impossible to see any single damn thing on the screen. I tried to bring it a repair shop to get it repaired as it is still under warranty. BUT, physical damage is NOT under warranty. _|_ Repairing it would cost $136, which is plain crazy because I can get a new phone with that amount of money. So yeah. R.I.P, my dear W508. It's the only phone that I truly liked.

THEN, my back-up phone, which is the Samsung Seoul phone, was being a total bitch to me. Reason being that it's a slide phone and the wires got loose or something. So the screen totally blanked (or blinked) and the buttons on the top half of the goddamn phone cannot be used. And all the important buttons like the answer call, menu and back buttons are all on the top half of the phone. Fucking hell. The phone pissed the hell out of me. Seriously, what kind of phone goes from fine to totally irrecoverably dead in less than 3 days?!

So yeah, Pochi was a victim to my whinings and complains. So, she bought me a phone. Yes, you read correctly. She BOUGHT me a phone. Brand new phone. Seriously.

Samsung S3600i.

We went to two different phone shops to look at phones. And guess what? The same model had a freaking price difference of $50. So yeah, being too lazy to get back to the first phone shop, I just told Pochi that we'll go to another phone shop to get a phone. So the boss (of the second shop) was asking me which phone I liked and he could give me a discount to try to help me. So I was telling him that the same model was selling at $170 at another shop. So he did some calculations and he was like, "Whoa~~ That's almost the factory price already." So he said he could give me that price but I need to pay for GST because they can't absorb it for me. So plus $12 of GST, I was supposed to pay $182. But he said $180 was fine. So yeah. With just one sentence, I hacked off $40 from the price.

I feel damn aunty. @_@

Thanks, Pochi, for the new phone. Sorry I was complaining a lot and stuff. I just needed to get it out of my system and I didn't think it would push you into getting me a phone. Love you most~ ^3^

Anyway, I secured my internship. I think I mentioned it before already. But yeah, I need to dye my hair dark brown or black, tie my hair up, wear a uniform and black plain shoes.

I went down to Cotton On to buy the shoes today.

$14.95 for these. T^T

I never thought I'll actually wear this kind of shoes in my entire life. And I have no idea what my uniform for work is. I hope I am posted to a branch that's near town or something.

I am aching all over and my nose is leaky. My head has this really stuffy feeling and I feel like throwing up. I think it's the flu.

Mehh. Great time to be down with flu.

I've been reading the manga- The Wallflower. It's absolutely LOL. Hilarious. I love the way Sunako reacts to things. Super hilarious. Pity the internet at my place is shitty and MangaFox takes forever to just fucking load one image. -___-|||

I think I should go back to bed.

Listening to: Matenrou Opera- DOLCE.

100th.

2010-01-29T09:09:00.002+08:00

ViViD~ <3

I seriously still like their "Dear" image most.

The preview for Across the Border is out. The PV preview is sadly disappointing. It looks damn low-budget for the usual PVs. Well, in comparison to the 69-II PV, it isn't as amazing, I guess. Hopefully, the actual PV is better.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The GazettE- Taion:
A wintry sky and the broken streetlight cold wind.
Unknown shadow the footprint of desertion.
Freedom was taken.

How long does it writhe?
It's impossible...

If it wakes up a gloomy ceiling.
A laughing voice sinks in the eardrum it is soiled.
And violence rapes me.

An understanding is impossible.
Why was I chosen? Someone should answer...

douka hidoi yume da to kotaete hoshii
doredake sakebi modae kurushimeba ii
douka hidoi yume da to oshiete hoshii
chigire sou na koe de nandomo sakenda

There is no hand of preparing of the disordered hair.
A laughing voice sinks in the eardrum a faint temperature is
mixed in the midwinter.

koe wo koroshite kare sou na jibun ni ii kikasete ita
ikiru koto wo miushinawanu you
koe wo koroshite furuete yoru wa itami ni oborete iku
togiresuna iki wo yurushite...

douka hidoi yume da to kotaete hoshii
doredake sakebi modae kurushimeba ii
douka hidoi yume da to oshiete hoshii
saigo ni mou ichido dake waratte mitai

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
体温:

A wintry sky and the broken streetlight cold wind.
Unknown shadow the footprint of desertion.
Freedom was taken.

If it wakes up a gloomy ceiling.
A laughing voice sinks in the eardrum it is soiled.
And violence rapes me.

An understanding is impossible.
Why was I chosen ? Someone should answer ...

どうか酷い夢だと答えて欲しい
どれだけ叫び　悶え　苦しめばいい
どうか酷い夢だと教えて欲しい
ちぎれそうな声で何度も叫んだ

There is no hand of preparing of the disordered hair.
A laughing voice sinks in the eardrum a faint temperature is mixed in the midwinter.

声を殺して枯れそうな自分に言い聞かせていた
生きる事を見失わぬよう
声を殺して震えた夜は痛みに溺れていく
途切れそうな息を許して...

どうか酷い夢だと答えて欲しい
どれだけ叫び　悶え　苦しめばいい
どうか酷い夢だと教えて欲しい
最後にもう一度だけ笑ってみたい
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Translation:
A wintry sky and the broken street light, cold wind.
Unknown shadow the footprint of desertion.
Freedom was taken.

If it wakes up, a gloomy ceiling.
A laughing voice sinks in the eardrum, it is soiled.
And violence rapes me.

An understanding is impossible.
Why was I chosen? Someone should answer...

I wish you'll somehow answer me, that it's all a horrible dream.
To what extent should I shout, writhe and suffer till it's alright?
Please, I wish you'll tell me it's all a horrible dream.
With voice that seemed broken, I cried out over and over again.

There is no hand preparing the disordered hair.
A laughing voice sinks in the eardrum, a faint temperature is
mixed in the midwinter.

Suppressing my voice and ordering my withered self to live on,
To not lose sight of the living.
Suppressing my voice, I'll remember the trembling night in pain
Forgive my uninterrupted breath...

I wish you'll somehow answer me, that it's all a horrible dream.
To what extent should I shout, writhe and suffer till it's alright?
Please, I wish you'll tell me it's all a horrible dream.
In the end, I just want to try and laugh once more.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Just for those who don't know, this song is actually dedicated to Junko Furuta. Those who don't know who she is, just search up. There's a Facebook group dedicated to her and all. So yeah. I have no idea why there is a sudden interest in Junko Furuta.

I feel like skipping classes.

Listening to: The GazettE- Taion.

99th.

2010-01-28T14:21:00.002+08:00

Reno and Iv of ViViD~

Haha. Super cute picture. X3

I set aside 2 and a half hours to travel to Aljunied for my interview. I took 2 hours. @_@ But I nailed the internship! *\(^0^)/*

My heels are killing me and carrying a handbag is freaking annoying.

I have to dye my hair dark brown or black for the internship though~

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lycaon- 「琥珀彩」～コハクイロ～:

極彩に染まりゆく彩りに
導かれ失ったココロの羽と
絵に描いた夕空に沈みゆき
この背中　薄れゆく羽を広げて

キラキラと星屑舞い散る様に誰もを魅了する存在でいたい

琥珀彩の蝶が羽広げて飛び立ってく
綺羅星を夢みて願い事を乗せてゆく
いつからこの場所で一人きりになったんだろう
羽ばたくことを忘れ　止まった刻の夢空散る

夜空に瞬く星の雫ひとつ手に重ね泣いた
何処までも高く　僕は飛べるさ

透明なキャンバスに光彩を
描く様に飛び方も知らないままで
色付いた瞳から仰ぎ見る
滲みゆく夕空に想いを翔ける

キラキラと星屑舞い散る夜に誰よりも輝く存在でいたい

沈みゆく夕焼けに染まる僕の柔らかい羽根

琥珀彩の海に身を委ねて羽ばたいてく
目を閉じても見える永遠の輝き目指して

いつからこんなにも遠くまで来たんだろう
羽ばたくこと覚え　動いた刻の夢咲く

琥珀彩の蝶が羽広げて飛び立ってく
綺羅星を夢みて今願いを叶えようと

琥珀に沈みゆく

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kohakuiro:

gokusai ni somariyuku irodori ni

michibikare ushinatta kokoro no hane to

e ni egaita yuuzora ni shizumiyuki

kono senaka/usureyuku hane wo hirogete

kira kira to hoshikuzu maichiru yoru ni dare mo wo miryousuru sonzai de itai

kohakuiro no chou ga hane hirogete tobitatteku

kiraboshi wo yume mite negaigoto wo noseteyuku

itsu kara kono basho de hitorikiri ni nattandarou

hanabataku koto wo wasure　tomatta toki no yume sora chiru

yozora ni matataku hoshi no shizuku hitotsu te ni kasane naita

doko made mo takaku　kimi wa toberu sa

toumei na kyanbasu ni kousai wo

egaku you ni tobikata mo shiranai mama de

irodzuita hitomi kara aogimiru

shizumiyuku yozora ni omoi wo kakeru

kira kira to hoshikuzu maichiru yoru ni dare yori mo kagayaku sonzai de itai

shizumiyuku yuuyake ni somaru boku no yawarakai hane

kohakuiro no umi ni mi wo yudanete hanabataiteku

me wo tojitemo mieru towa no kagayaki mezashite

itsu kara konna ni mo tooku made kitandarou

hanabataku koto oboe　ugoita toki no yume saku

kohakuiro no chou ga hane hirogete tobitatteku

kiraboshi wo yume mita ima negai wo kanaeyou to

kohaku ni shizumiyuku

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The color of amber:

I sink in the wings of a heart lost in

a spectrum dyed in brilliant colors

a night sky painted in a picture

On my back　I spread my faded wings

In the dancing night of shining stardust, I want to exist as someone that would charm anyone

The amber butterfly spreads its wings and flies off

I dream of shining stars and go ride on wishes

From some time I have become all alone in this place

I forgot how to spread my wings　The second it stopped the sky in my dreams dissolveｓ

The drops of the stars blinking in the night sky accumulate in my hands by one and cried

No matter how high　you can fly it

While not knowing how to fly like

how one paints luster onto a transparent canvas

From these eyes given color, I try to look up

I throw my thoughts into the sinking night sky

In the dancing night of shining stardust, I want to exist as someone that would shine brighter than anyone

My soft wings dyed in the sinking twilight

I want to let the amber ocean have my body and fly off

Even if I close my eyes I aim for the everlasting light

From some time I have come up this far

I remember how to spread my wings　The second it moved, my dreams bloomed

The amber butterfly spread its wings and flies off

I dreamt of a galaxy of stars and now I will fulfill my wish

I will sink in colors of amber.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Listening to: DELUHI- Wake Up!

Japanese lesson.

2010-01-27T23:03:00.000+08:00

Jun (ex. Himeichigo)~

Haha. He looks cute in this picture, though usually he's just super dorky. XD

Anyway, another picture from the photo-taking fest at Kranji.

One of the few pictures of me that turned out nicely.

Japanese class today was rather confusing. We started learning adjectives. But yeah, hopefully, I can catch up. I've finished the worksheet ahead of the class. I'm proud of myself. I'm pretty certain that my answers are correct too. X3

Going for interview for my internship tomorrow.

Wish me luck! X3

Listening to: Heartless- Masquerade.

Kranji.

2010-01-27T09:11:00.002+08:00

Akito from Vani;lla.

He reminds me of Uruha in some ways. Lol.

Went to Kranji with Kiera yesterday to take pictures of space that conveys the message of loneliness. Surprisingly, we found a place that had the feeling of loneliness and it was a really nice place to camwhore. XD

One of the pictures I took there.

A picture of the gate.

I'm falling asleep. Japanese class later today. I have a feeling that I'll fall asleep in class. It's a bad sign.

Listening to: Heartless- Refuge.

Dennou Paranoia.

2010-01-26T14:45:00.002+08:00

Yuri from HEARTLESS. <3

He's so damn cute~ X3

I was a little feverish this morning. But I figured it's not that much of a big deal. Need to do work anyway.

I feel like my amount of work is endless. It's just hopeless.

My make-up skills are getting from bad to worse, I have no idea why. Especially when I do my make-up almost everyday. Am I really too tired?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Matenrou Opera- Dennou Paranoia:

君という人間の神経をコントロールしたい
君という人間の中枢を覗きたい
君という人間の細胞に飛び込んで
僕だけの僕だけの君という人間に染めてやる

Dive into your body

泳いで渡る　愛らしい世界　僕だけが知ってる君だけの世界
思い通りさ　ここの声も　今すぐ僕を呼ぶ声に変えてやる

君という人間の感覚に混りたい
君という人間に消化されたい
君という人間の血液に飛び込んで
体中駆け巡り　君の体内で溺れていたい

Dive into your body

不安定な恋　それだっていいさ
僕にはお似合いの身勝手なパラサイト
君の匂いも　君の感情も　君の記憶も　僕だけのものさ

泳いで渡る　愛らしい世界　僕だけが知ってる君だけの世界
思い通りさ　心の声も　今すぐ僕の呼ぶ声に変えてやる

不安定な恋　それだっていいさ
僕にはお似合いの身勝手なパラサイト
君の匂いも　君の感情も　君の記憶も　僕だけのものさ

もう離さない　君が死ぬまで僕が育ててあげる
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dennou Paranoia:

kimi to iu ningen no shinkei wo kontoroorushitai
kimi to iu ningen no chuusuu wo nozokitai
kimi to iu ningen no saibou ni tobikonde
boku dake no boku dake no kimi to iu ningen ni someteyaru

Dive into your body

oyoidewataru　airashii sekai　boku dake ga shitteru kimi dake no sekai
omoidoorisa　kokoro no koe mo　imasugu boku wo yobu koe ni kaeteyaru

kimi to iu ningen no kankaku ni majiritai
kimi to iu ningen ni shoukasaretai
kimi to iu ningen no ketsueki ni tobikonde
karadajuu kakemeguri　kimi no tainai de oboreteitai

Dive into your body

fuantei na koi　sore datte ii sa
boku ni wa oniai no migatte na parasaito
kimi no nioi mo　kimi no kanjou mo 　kimi no kioku mo　boku dake no mono sa

oyoidewataru　airashii sekai　boku dake ga shitteru kimi dake no sekai
omoidoorisa　kokoro no koe mo　imasugu boku wo yobu koe ni kaeteyaru

fuantei na koi　sore datte ii sa
boku ni wa oniai no migatte na parasaito
kimi no nioi mo　kimi no kanjou mo　kimi no kioku mo　boku dake no mono sa

mou hanasanai　kimi ga shinu made boku ga sodateteageru
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Digital Paranoia:

I want to control your nerves, human
I want to peek into your core, human
I dive into your cells, human
And stain only mine, only my, you human

Dive into your body(君の体に飛び込んで)

I swim across　the lovely world,　the world I only know about with only you
Just as I like,　the voice of your heart,　I change into the voice that calls for me now

I want to blend myself into your senses
I want to be assimilated into your being
I want to dive into your blood
run around your body　and drown in your body

Dive into your body

Instable love,　that's all right
To me it's a very fitting selfish parasite
Your smell,　your emotions,　even your memories,　all belong only to me

I swim across　the lovely world,　the world I only know about with only you
Just as I like,　the voice of your heart,　I will change to the voice that calls for me now

Instable love,　that's all right
To me it's a very fitting selfish parasite
Your smell,　your emotions,　even your memories,　all belong only to me

Don't let go anymore　I will raise you until you die
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Ralph Lauren "Notorious" perfume is making me sleepy. @_@

I want to get another piercing. But I have no idea where I should pierce. I'm thinking of piercing my ears. But ear piercings are a bitch to heal.

Ughhh.

Listening to: MEZE- Deep fascination.

Bastard.

2010-01-25T11:20:00.003+08:00

Ryoga from ViViD~

I am in class, currently in a violent mood. Why? I have a goddamn asshole for a lecturer. I have multiple lecturers but I'm pretty sure everyone in my class knows which jerkface I am refering to.

You may be my lecturer, you may be the one responsible for my grades, but it does not give you any fucking reason to fucking speak to me in a fucking degrading manner. It is not my fucking fault that the company has not schedule interviews for my internship. Seriously, I don't give a fuck if I fail this fucking module. In your face, fuckface. _|_

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ViViD- Take Off:

引かれた道を　ただ何も言わず歩けばいいのか？
ゆらり　ゆらり　揺られていた…　心のドアを開けぬまま

What meaning that?
「大人」らしくとか　わからぬままに　Take off

What meaning that?
見えぬ現実に　戸惑うままに　Take off

Tell me why?　Tell me why?
「大人」になるって事が
Tell me why?　Tell me why?
いつか分かるのかな

今はただ　この時が　永遠に続くことを　ただ願う…

ゆらり　ゆらり　揺られていた…　心のドアを開けぬまま

What meaning that?
「大人」らしくとか　分からぬままに　Take off

What meaning that?
見えぬ現実に　戸惑うままに　Take off

Tell me why? Tell me why?
いつか「大人」になって
Tell me why? Tell me why?
薄れていくのかな？

今はただ　この時を　薄れないように　胸に刻み込む…

いつか違う世界へ　羽ばたいていく　その時は
みんなを忘れないよ　どれほどの時が経っても

へこたれていいさ　辛い時は　泣いたって構わないから
そしたら前を向いて　また歩き出せばいいから
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ViViD- Take Off:

hikareta michi wo　tada nani mo iwazu arukeba ii no ka?

yurari　yurari　yurareteita...　kokoro no doa wo hirakenu mama

What meaning that?
「otona」rashiku toka　wakaranu mama ni　(Ta-ta-ta)Take off

What meaning that?
mienu genjitsu ni　tomadou mama ni　(Ta-ta-ta)Take off

Tell me why?　Tell me why?
「otona」ni narutte koto ga
Tell me why?　Tell me why?
itsuka wakaru no kana

ima wa tada　kono toki ga　towa ni tsudzuku koto wo　tada negau...(Ta-ta-ta-take off)

yurari　yurari　yurateita...　kokoro no doa wo hirakenu mama

What meaning that?
「otona」rashiku toka　wakaranu mama ni　(Ta-ta-ta)Take off

What meaning that?
mienu genjitsu ni　tomadou mama ni　(Ta-ta-ta)Take off

Tell me why?　Tell me why?
itsuka「otona」ni natte
Tell me why?　Tell me why?
usureteiku no kana?

ima wa tada　kono toki wo　usurenaiyou ni　mune ni kizamikomu...(Ta-ta-ta-take off)

itsuka chigau sekai he　habataiteiku　sono toki wa
minna wo wasurenai yo　dorehodo toki ga tattemo

hekotarete ii sa　tsurai toki wa　naitatte kamawanai kara
soshitara mae wo muite　mata arukidaseba ii kara
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Take-off (飛び立つ/羽ばたく)

Can I just walk on this road without saying anything?

I was shaken back and forth before I opened the door to my heart

What meaning that? (それってどういう意味?)
While I don't get　things like「adult」-like　I Take off

What meaning that?
While I'm confused　I Take off　to a reality I couldn't see

Tell me why? Tell me why?(何故かという、教えてくれる?×2)
Maybe someday I'll understand
Tell me why? Tell me why?
what it is to be an 「adult」

Now I just　only wish...　that this time　will continue forever

I was shaken　back　and forth　before I opened the door to my heart

What meaning that?
While I don't get　things like「adult」-like　I Take off

What meaning that?
While I'm confused　I Take off　to a reality I couldn't see

Tell me why? Tell me why?
When I become an 「adult」 someday
Tell me why? Tell me why?
will this fade away?

Now I just engrave into my heart...　these times so that it will never fade away

When that time　I take off into another world someday comes
I won't forget everyone; No matter how much time goes by

It's ok to give up a little Because during hard times it doesn't matter if you cry
Because you'll then face forward and begin to walk again.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am so damn tired. There's so much fucking work to do, so little time. I really don't care about my fucking work anymore.

Fucking shit.

Listening to: ViViD- Dear.

Hisame.

2010-01-25T08:52:00.002+08:00

Shin of ViViD~

I am really damn exhausted.

My energy level has been on a constant low. Which is not a good thing. But seriously, I have no idea why. I need to work harder.

I spent most of yesterday sleeping. I woke up only at around 2pm. And I went to sleep at around 10pm? I forgot. It's really tiring to do anything right now.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lycaon- Hisame:
Painted slowly…
瞳を閉ざして　眠れない　影を落とし
Painted Senseless…
繰り返し誘う　目覚めだけ塞いだ

いかない　でいかないで　声を何処かに忘れ
悲しく　て悲しくて　手を振り　さよなら

ずっと傍にいてよ　ねぇ
このまま　抱きしめていてほしいから
雨に濡れたあなたの背中に頬を寄せて
ずっと離さないから
二人で　二度と醒めぬ夢をみよう
擦れてゆくあなたの温もり　求め　深く　眠る

Painted slowly…
吐息で刻んだ　針の音は　毒の様で
Painted sadness…
胸に鳴り響く　痛みで　呼吸も忘れた

いかないで　いかないで　苦し紛れの嘘で
苦しくて　苦しくて　微笑み　さよなら

そっと降りしきる雨
無口な悲鳴と別れの合図
声枯らしてびしょ濡れになって　唄が泣いて
そっと触れた指先
虚ろに　僕を切り取るモノクロ
あなたの瞳が僕に重なって　溺れ　二人　眠る

赤く緋く染まる華　土へと帰り　また雨降らし　傘ひろげ

ずっと傍にいてよ　ねぇ　そのまま
抱きしめていてくれたなら
もう一度だけ笑ってあげたい　眠り寄せて
ずっと傍に居るから
終わらぬ　眠りの中に魅せた
微笑んだあなたにそっと甘えていさせて
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hisame:

Painted slowly...
hitomi wo tozashite　nemurenai　kage wo otoshi
Painted senseless...
kurikaeshi sasou　mezame dake fusaida

ikanaide ikanaide　koe wo dokoka ni wasure
kanashikute kanashikute　te wo furi　sayonara

zutto soba ni ite yo　nee
kono mama　dakishimeteite hoshii kara
ame ni nureta anata no senaka ni hoo wo yosete
zutto hanasanai kara
futari de　nidoto samenu yume wo miyou
kasureteyuku anata no nukumori　motome　fukaku　nemuru

Painted slowly...
toiki de kizanda　hari no ne wa　doku no you de
Painted sadness...
mune ni narihibiku　itami de　kokyuu mo wasureta

ikanaide ikanaide　kurushimagire no uso de
kurushikute kurushikute　hohoemi　sayonara

sotto furushikiru ame
mukuchi na himei to wakare no aizu
koe karashite bisho nure ni natte　uta ga naite
sotto fureta yubisaki
utsuro ni　boku wo kiritoru monokuro
anata no hitomi ga boku ni kasanatte　obore　futari　nemuru

ayaka kurakaku　somaru hana　tsuchi he to kaeri　mata ame furashi　kasa hiroge

zutto soba ni ite yo　nee　sono mama
dakishimeteitekureta nara
mou ichido dake waratteagetai　nemuriyosete
zutto soba ni iru kara
owaranu　nemuri no naka ni misete
hohoenda anata ni sotto amaeteisasete
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Scarlet Rain:

Painted slowly*
I close my eyes　but I can't sleep　I drop my shadow
Painted senseless...
I keep inviting it　Only my awakening is closed up

Don't go, don't go　I've forgotten my voice somewhere
I'm sad, I'm sad　I wave　and goodbye

Always be by my side　hey
As it is now　it's because I want you to hold me
I bring my face close to your back soaked in the rain
Because I don't want to ever leave you
Together　Let us see a dream we won't wake up from again
Your warmth wearing away　I yearn for it　deeply.　I sleep

Painted slowly...
Engraved in my breath　the sound of needles　is like poison
Painted sadness...
It rings and reverberates in my heart　from the pain　I forgot how to breathe

Don't go, don't go　With a lie in agony
It's painful, it's painful　with a smile　goodbye

The slowly steadily falling rain
A quiet scream and a sign of parting
I break my voice and become drenched wet　my song is crying
The fingertips that slowly touched
Hollowly　 the monochrome that cut me off
Your eyes grow heavy in me　drown　the two of up　into sleep

The red scarlet dyed flower　returns to the earth　The rain falls again　and I open up my umbrella

Always be my side　hey　as it is then
If you hold me
I would want to smile for you once more　I draw closer to sleep
Because I will always be by your side
I was taken into the unending sleep
Let me slowly give in myself to you grinning.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am seriously sick of Rhino3D program. I curse whoever invented it. -___-||| I am addicted to watching Durarara!! Seriously addictive anime. My favorite anime characters as of now is the headless rider and Izaya Orihara. Was that his name? @_@ I can't remember.

I really want to sleep. I am half-dead.

Did I mention that I feel like my insides are empty 24/7? I feel hollow. But I still feel fat. Oh. And on a brighter note, I lost 1.6kg. Yay! But I'm still feeling goddamn lethargic. Damnnit.

I am ignoring my lecturer completely. Busy blogging. Lol.

Listening to: Lycaon- Declaration of war.

Lethargy.

2010-01-22T11:03:00.002+08:00

Reno from ViViD~

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
摩天楼オペラ- 眠れる夜:

風が疲れ果てた身体をすり抜ける
優しい言葉になって夜を呼んでくる

やっと眠れるのかな　夜は暖かで
忙しいときの流れを終わらせてくれる

もう死にたいと思う人でも　誰かのことを思う人でも

どうか泣かないでくれ　悲しみを知る人
どうか眠ってくれ　苦しみを知る人
夜が世界を包み　あなたを包み込み
預けて　僕があなたのすべてを許すから

窓に明かりが灯り　街が家路を照らす
かえって　あなたを待ってる人がいるから

どうか見上げてみて　あなたの世界を
どうか見渡してみて　誰かの笑顔を
背負い続けてきた大切なものは
引きずる足をとめても失なくなりはしない

どうか泣かないでくれ　悲しみを知る人
どうか眠ってくれ　苦しみを知る人
夜が世界を包み　あなたを包み込み
預けて　僕がなたのすべてを許すから
------------------------------------------------------------------
Nemureru yoru:

kaze ga tsukarehateta karada wo surinukeru
yasashii kotoba ni natte yoru wo yondekuru

yatto nemureru no kana　yoru ha atataka de
isogashii toki no nagare wo owarasetekureru

mou shinitai to omou hito demo　dareka no koto wo omou hito demo

douka nakanaidekure　kanashimi wo shiru hito
douka nemuttekure　kurushimi wo shiru hito
yoru ga sekai wo tsutsumi　anata wo tsutsumikomi
azukete　boku ga anata no subete wo yurusukara

mada ni akari ga tomori　machi ga ieji wo terasu
kaette　anata wo matteru hito ga iru kara

douka miagetemite　anata no sekai wo
douka miwatashimete　dare no egao wo
seoi tsudzuketekita taisetsu na mono wa
hikizuru ashi wo tometemo ushinakunari wa shinai

douka nakanaidekure　kanashimi wo shiru hito
douka nemuttekure　kurushimi wo shiru hito
yoru ga sekai wo tsutsumi　anata wo tsutsumikomi
azukete　boku ga anta no subete wo yurusu kara
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Translation:

The wind goes through your tired out body
It turns into kind words calling out for the night

Maybe you finally be able to sleep　The night is warm
And will ends the momentum of busy times for us

For even people who think they want to die already　For even people who are thinking of someone

Somehow don't cry for me*,　someone who knows sadness
Somehow sleep for me,　someone who knows suffering
The night wraps around the world　and wraps all around you
Leave it to me　Because I will forgive everything about you

In the window the light is burning　The street shines on the road home
Go home　Because there are people waiting for you

Somehow try looking up　at your world
Somehow try looking across　at someone's smile
Even if the important things you continued to carry on your back
stop your dragged feet, you don't want to lose them

Somehow don't cry for me*,　someone who knows sadness
Somehow sleep for me,　someone who knows suffering
The night wraps around the world　and wraps all around you
Leave it to me　Because I will forgive everything about you

---
*because I don't want you to, not because you're sad for me
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I feel like my energy is being drained from me really fast. I'm feeling increasingly lethargic by the day.

I feel like I am not working hard enough. It seems so pathetic.

I want to sleep.

Listening to: Lycaon- THE DEATH GAME.

Empty.

2010-01-21T20:34:00.002+08:00

Iv from ViViD~

I think he looks cuter like that, but a lot of people don't think so. I think it's just me being weird.

My life has been weirdly empty recently. I mean, right now, what goes on is going to school, doing work, going for Japanese class, going to Pochi's house and going home.

Somehow, the emptiness just gives me time to think, which I do not want. I think too much. The more I think of something, the worse it gets. So the best thing to do is to not think of it at all. I've already broken something that I have been trying to do. So yeah, I'm starting all over again.

I refuse to debate with myself on whether what I am doing is right or not. Since I've already started, I might as well finish it. I don't see much ahead, neither do I want to. What is the point of worrying so much when it's just waiting to happen? I'll make a landmine explode deliberately rather than just wait and hope that it doesn't explode.

Anyway, on a brighter note (well, sort of), I have hopes for internship! Going down for interview soon. Was supposed to go down tomorrow, but I don't think I can. Too many stuff to do for tomorrow.

The space design project makes me want to push myself to the limit. I hope I can do it.

Anyway, I'm trying hard to exercise daily. I've done it for two days already, hopefully, I can keep it up.

But I'm already starting to feel lazy. T^T

Oh. The reason why I started on this "exercise daily" thing is because I was shocked silly by my weighing machine. I mean, seriously, my reaction was, -stare, stare again, cold laugh, fits of bitter laughing, breaking down-.

It's a very serious matter.

MUST.RESIST.TEMPTATIONS.AND.LAZINESS.

I'm so tired. T^T

Listening to: Matenrou Opera- Dolce.

Blackout.

2010-01-21T10:24:00.001+08:00

Ko-ki from ViViD~ <3

I. am. falling. asleep. T^T

I am really tired. Had a lot of trouble waking up this morning. Apparently, "Revolver Blast" is losing its "waking up" effect on me. Lol. Also, I have the tendency to switch off my alarm and plop back to sleep. XD

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
AND アンド- Blackout:

後悔なんて知らず逆さまの人生
同じ過ちを繰り返し懲りもしない
くるりくるりくるくくくくるい
紅い手首を見つめ笑う売女
destruct saw me now
destruct my body cry
線の数だけ生きることに疲れ
囁かれたのは灰と化す誘惑
まわりまわるまわりまわりまわる
覚×剤に腐る偽りの理性
destruct saw me now
destruct my body cry
despise oneself
misanthrope moment
suicide wish
shut out other people
溺れた身体は堕ちてゆく
もがきながら叫ぶ声
KILL ME
どうか私を殺して
薄れてゆく理性の中
失くしていた感触を…
KILL ME
どうか私を…
誰か側にいて…
消えそうな私を…抱いて
あの日失くした感触は取り戻せはしないよ
愚かだった我が身を責め立てるかのように
傷をえぐり何度も消えてくれと願った
そしてまた繰り返す快楽による開鎖
馴れ合いは裏切りと孤独の罠
吐き気誘うのは暖色の笑い声
深く深く深く深く深く
どす黒い闇に身を沈めた
violence please me drug
violence my body cry
destruct saw me now
destruct
掠れた声は力なく
痛みさえ何も感じない
KILL ME
どうか私を殺して
全て忘れてしまいたい
何もかもが途切れてゆく
KILL ME
どうか私を返して
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am seriously losing motivation to go to school. School's horrible. School's boring. School's a chore.

I want to sleep. Seriously. -dozes off-

I have a lot of stuff to blog about. But I am seriously too lazy now. My life has been too hectic. @_@

Listening to: AND- BLACKOUT.

Addiction.

2010-01-19T12:40:00.002+08:00

ViViD~ <3

Seriously, how cute is this? XD I think it's a style crossed between pirates and school boys. Lol.

I'm kinda stressing up for my Japanese language course. It's moving really fast. But I'm doing my best to catch up.

My rendering for my jewelry is really crap. Ughh. I keep waiting hours and hours for it and it just has an error all the time.

I'm breaking all my new year resolutions. I ate Macs, I cut my hair and... What other new year resolutions were there? I don't even remember. Oh well~

Sometimes, when you are so used to doing something, you tend to feel out-of-place once you remove it from your life entirely all of a sudden. But it's like a drug addiction that you have to break. I'm getting used to it.

I am falling asleep. Really darn tired.

Listening to: Lycaon- The Death Game.

Too.darn.early.

2010-01-18T07:21:00.003+08:00

Yuuki from Lycaon~

I think Lycaon's newest image suits them.

I am in school, at 7.20am because... I need to print my poster and my presentation time is the first few. @_@

Thanks to Pochi and MJ for helping me CAD out my stuff. Especially Pochikums because I am a bad girlfriend and made you do work for me on your birthday. I love you! ^3^

I am hopeless at CADing. I do need to learn how to use Rhino 3D before year 3 comes. Hopefully, if I can make it into year 3. -crosses fingers-

My throat feels scratchy. I am sitting in FC2 of SP and I don't dare to go to class at this time because I met with some "unclean" stuff last Thursday.

So here's what happened.

I was walking from the MRT station after printing out all the stuff for the Del Monte project. I was alone because Riri went to buy the ingredients needed to make Beau'tarte. So yeah. I took a lift and walked to T7, near Moberly. Then the lights suddenly flickered continuously. I didn't hear anything because I was listening to my MP4. But once the lights flickered, I got goosebumps and became cautious. But I didn't do much except increase my walking speed. The freaky thing was that once I walked past, the lights stopped flickering.

Just as I reached the finance office, the lights there flickered too. And I was like, "WTF?". So yeah, I just walked even faster. My MP4 started to have this really bad static sound, so I removed my earphones. Then... 2 kids ran past me. So I was going, "Kids?!" in my head. And I realised they were translucent. -___- So I half-walked, half-ran to T5. Just as I was going to turn in to T5, I saw 3 adults standing at the toilet near T5. So I was kinda relieved that there were people around. But no.... Bloody hell, they were translucent too! And worse, they had no legs. I ran like a freaking mad woman up the stairs. So I tried calling Cheryl and MJ. And all I could hear was fucking static noises in my phone.

It was only when I was between level 3 and level 4 when I finally got through and contacted Cheryl.

It was darn freaky.

I think I should start walking to my classroom. Maybe stop by the printing shop to see if it is open.

Listening to: Lycaon- RED RUM.

Pochi's 19th birthday.

2010-01-17T21:45:00.000+08:00

As it says on the birthday cake...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, POCHI MOCHI! <3

Today is the 19th birthday of Pochi. Haha. I took pictures of the cake I bought for her.

All the candles in star-shaped stuff. Pochi says it looks like a kiddy picture.

Look at the pretty candles~~~ XD

All the holes after we removed the candles. XD

Brought Pochi to Novena for lunch. We wanted to have pasta but the shop was closed. We went to Ramen Monster. The pictures are in my phone. I'll post them up another day. But I think I'll only eat the gyoza from the shop the next time I am there.

After that, she came to my house where my gran cooked a few of her favorite dishes to celebrate her birthday.

I love you most, Pochi-kums! X3

Happy birthday to you~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ^3^

1 year & 8 months.

2010-01-16T21:30:00.002+08:00

Minase from D=OUT.

A J-Rocker that both Pochi and I worship.

I love you, my Pochikums! <3

1 year and 8 months anniversary. Although the both of us quarreled and fought yesterday, at least we're okay now.

I love you most. I know that I am still immature and many things I do are unfair and unreasonable to you. I'm still trying hard to grow up.

Although it's really sad that I can't celebrate today with you because you are having an advance birthday celebration with your family, at least I can celebrate your birthday with you tomorrow! X3

I love you most! ^3^

Finishing.

2010-01-16T21:10:00.003+08:00

Yu-ri of Irokui.

I've been rushing for the Del Monte project recently. I've really had little energy to update. So yeah.

Anyway, I am pretty pleased with the results. Though the winner of the competition would be revealed on another day. But I am glad this is over.

I've been thinking. My life is pretty much about work and basically having very little social life. I've become a hermit, I think. Lol.

Sometimes, I feel that people can't be too... Well, I'll say meddlesome. It shouldn't be anything that I should even comment about. And I did. I am stupid. But doing that has made me realise that it is time to put an end to ambiguous matters. It should have ended a long long time ago. 2 years ago. And even more. I can't even remember anymore. Or I'll say that I don't even want to remember. But every time we come face-to-face, there is just something that hasn't been ended properly. There wasn't time to heal. It should have ended completely then.

I shouldn't have allowed it to continue at all. I should have let myself heal completely without disturbance or your presence. I could have done it a long long time ago. I had the time and space to stop this completely. But I didn't. But now, I've realised, we've moved on. For us to move on further, this has to be completely cut. I cannot have you in my life until I can completely see you as nothing more than acquaintance. You shouldn't even be more than that anymore.

I don't want to be strangled slowly to death by this issue. At least not with you. Not with someone that isn't the one I love right now. Not someone who was supposed to disappear from my life since a long time ago. I've loved you then, but we both love someone else now. I am going to take extreme measures. Even if it kills me. It's not fair to anyone if I keep this up. I am sick of having to struggle between temptation and what I truly want. I am sick of trying to love someone else fully when I'm still in pain from who I loved. I can't truly love who I want to love now. It's sickening. It's too painful. It's too scary.

I want to disappear from your life.

This is goodbye.

Listening to: Irokui- Matenrou no Ame Otoko.

MONOMANIA.

2010-01-11T12:07:00.003+08:00

Irokui~

I love how Yu-ri looks like in this.

Seriously. Yu-ri is damn rich. His casual clothes are from MONOMANIA. I went to the MONOMANIA webshop to have a look and nearly died. One normal blazer that is on SALE is like 9,450 YEN. That is like $160++ in SGD. -died-

And guess what?

Ko-ki from ViViD wears MONOMANIA too. I recognise some of the tops being sold or displayed in the MONOMANIA webshop as the ones he wore when he took pictures of himself and posted it up on his blog.

I can totally understand why Yu-ri said he might "accidentally" walk home in the clothes he was wearing for the V-Rock Festival fashion show. I'll fucking walk right off the stage once I exit from the backstage in MONOMANIA clothes. @_@

What is wrong with my life and me being so dirt poor? T^T

New playlist.

1. Irokui- Matenrou no Ame Otoko.
2. Irokui- Fantastic Dream ~Sleeping Beauty~
3. Irokui- Sakura Seven.

Listening to: Irokui- Digitalis.

JLPT.

2010-01-11T08:21:00.002+08:00

Yu-ri of Irokui~ <3

Haha. Only because he's so cute when he's drinking something he finds gross. Lol.

I am officially... Half-dead. @_@

I woke up this morning (at 4am) to fall back asleep and be woken up at 6am by my mum. She was screaming into my ear. And the result? I'm having a migraine now. Awesome~

And I need enough energy to last to 9.30pm tonight because of my Japanese language class. I seriously hope that I won't die or fall asleep during the class or it'll be a complete waste of my money.

The Maybelline gel foundation is awesome stuff. Seriously. Usually, I avoid liquid foundation because it feels damn heavy and icky. And when you sweat, it's like cement splat on your face, making you feel even worse. But I guess what you pay for is what you get. The gel foundation is damn light and smooth. Even after I sweat like crazy, it's still there! X3

I'm falling asleep.

Listening to: Irokui- Matenrou no Ame Otoko.

Ramen monster.

2010-01-10T21:09:00.005+08:00

Suzuya (ex. Himeichigo) and Yu-ri (Irokui)~ <3

Both of them are so cute~ X3

Anyway, today, I woke up at around 8am to get over to Pochi's to bring her to a doctor. We still missed the time anyway. So we went down to Novena to get our breakfast.

Ramen Monster!

Such a cute looking shop, really. But it wasn't open yet. So we went to the food court for our meals.

Went to studio for Pochi's drumming lesson.

Pochi as a drummer.

Pochi as a bassist.

Which is better? Seriously? XD

I have officially busted my wallet. Lol. I spent $16 plus buying gel foundation.

I have yet to try it. I'm trying it tomorrow. Hopefully, it's good.

A series of random pictures.

My Gloomy Bear paw that Pochi got for me from a UFO machine.

My phone, with Yu-ri as the wallpaper.

My MP4.

My rings.

Pochi's handphone strap. It says... DEADLINE. Lol.

HAHA. Cute right? My Gloomy Bear paw in my MP4 pouch. Paw in a pouch. Lol.

I'm addicted to Irokui's Matenrou no Ame Otoko.

Starting Japanese language lesson tomorrow. I hope I'll be able to cope properly.

Listening to: Irokui- Matenrou no Ame Otoko.

Yuuto.

2010-01-09T22:27:00.002+08:00

Yuuto from ScReW~

I just remembered that today is his last live as a member of ScReW~

I'll miss you, Yuuto! T^T

Listening to: ScReW- molder.

Matenrou no Ame Otoko.

2010-01-09T20:57:00.002+08:00

Yu-ri from Irokui~ <3

I love how he looks like in this photo. But he looks quite different from his usual looks.

Another picture from my camwhore session. Lol.

All because of the SC24 video of Himeichigo VS Irokui bowling competition, I am currently on Irokui craze.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Irokui- Matenrou no Ame Otoko:

静かに降り出した摩天楼の涙

二人眺める水蒸気と窓に手あかの跡そっと残すよ

フワフワ現実の君
ドロドロ目の前で溶けて耳元で囁く言葉だけ

『いつかまた高過ぎるあの観覧車で』

誰よりも君が怖がって居た場所に
今僕が独り鋼鉄の涙を

降りしきる雨で固めて流すよ摩天楼から
世界の何処かへ届けばいい

二人嫌な真昼、夢を眺めて崩れてゆく時間誤魔化して

フラフラ意識曖昧
ドロドロ離れてゆく君のかたちが僕に告げたんだ

『今日も土砂降りだね。雨と、踊ろう。』

誰よりも君が怖がって居た場所に
今僕が独り鋼鉄の涙を

降りしきる雨で固めて流すよ摩天楼から
世界の何処かへ届けばいい

もう君を待つこの少し大きめな傘は捨ててしまおう

Ah すれ違う影に君は見えないのに君を探してしまうよ

何よりも君が怖がって居たものが
僕にも少しは解ったような気がする
何時までも止まない雨が教えてくれた
自分の弱さを今見下して

世界の何処かで君が一人唄うのなら

何時までも独りで僕はここにいるから

いつか約束した、摩天楼に
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Romaji:

Shizuka ni furidashita matenrou no namida

Futari nagamero suijouki to mado ni teaka no ato sotto nokosu yo

FUWA FUWA genjitsu no kimi
DORO DORO me no mae de tokete mimimoto de sasayaku kotoba dake

'Itsuka mata takasugiru ano kanransha de'

Dare yori mo kimi ga kowagatte ita basho ni
Ima boku ga hitori koutetsu no namida wo

Furishikiru ame de katamete nagasu yo matenrou kara
Sekai no dokoka he todokeba ii

Futari iyana mahiru
Yume wo nagamete kuzurete yuku jikan gomakashite

FUWA FUWA ishiki aimai
DORO DORO hanarete yuku kimi no katachi ga boku ni tsugetanda

'Kyou mo dosha buri da ne
Ame to, odorou'

Dare yori mo kimi ga kowagatte ita basho ni
Ima boku ga hitori koutetsu no namida wo

Furishikiru ame de katamete nagasu yo matenrou kara
Sekai no dokoka he todokeba ii

Mou kimi wo matsu kono sukoshi ookime na kasa wa sutete shimaou

Ah sure chigau kage ni kimi wa mie nai no ni kimi wo sagashite shimau yo

Nani yori mo kimi ga kowagatte ita mono ga
Boku ni mo sukoshi wa kaitta you na kiga suru
Itsu made mo yamanai ame ga oshiete kureta
Jibun no yowasa wo ima mikudashite

Sekai no dokoka de kimi ga hitori utau no nara

Itsu made mo hitori de boku wa koko ni iru kara

Itsuka yakusoku shita, matenrou ni
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Translation:

It quietly began to rain tears of a skyscraper

The two gazed at the steam,
the red handprints quietly left behind on the window.

Your airy reality,
Like mush dissolving before your eyes, I hold you and whisper close to your ear;

“Someday, we’ll go beyond that Ferris Wheel again”

More than anyone, you were scared of being in this place
Now I am alone, crying steel tears.

I freeze from the incessant rain that pours from the skyscraper
Somewhere in the world, I’ll reach something good.

The disagreeable pair at midday gazed at their crumbling dreams, deceived by time.

Staggering with vague awareness,
Like mush, your separating form told it to me;
“It’s pouring again today. I’ll dance with the rain.”

More than anyone, you were scared of being in this place
Now I am alone, crying steel tears.

I freeze from the incessant rain that pours from the skyscraper
Somewhere in the world, I’ll reach something good.

Still, while I wait for you, I will cast aside this large-ish umbrella

Ah, our shadows pass each other and although I can’t see you,
I will continue to search for you

The thing you were afraid of more than anything,
I think that I understand it a little more
The endless rain told it to me
Now I despise my weakness.

Somewhere in the world, you may have to sing alone
Since I am alone in this place forever

The promise made that day to the skyscraper.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The PV of this song is really nice too. You can find it on YouTube.

I feel like my nails are going to drop off soon. T^T

Listening to: Matenrou Opera- honey drop.

Loli hat.

2010-01-09T15:02:00.002+08:00

Yu-ri from Irokui~

He looks so much better without the piercing on the bridge of his nose.

Anyway, met Nic a few days back. She got me a really nice present for Christmas. Sorry Nic! I didn't have any prepared for you. T^T

This is the necklace.

I bought a small top-hat from Alice 88th a few days back. The hat is supposed to be worn to match lolita dresses. But somehow, I don't look loli with it. XD But I bought it anyway because I like it. X3

Wearing the top hat and the necklace. X3

I feel like sleeping. I'm feeling really lethargic. Ughh. I think I'll blog next time.

Listening to: Himeichigo- Sherry?

Re:alice (Making of).

2010-01-07T23:51:00.001+08:00

My beloved Ruka (ex. Himeichigo)~~~~ <3

Haha. I'm in a good mood today. I FINALLY got my pay. Paid off my debt to Alice. And I got $100 to spend! X3

Anyway, I've been watching stuff of Himeichigo. It's sad that they've disbanded (on 8 December 2009). But they're still funny to watch.

Like the making of Re:alice PV.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2yQfAE7-clE

Seriously, the first part of the video was just mildly interesting (okay, actually, barely interesting). But until the end, around 4:10 of the video. Something seriously LOL and epic happened.

-Spoiler below-

HAHA. Jun's epic face. It made the camera man burst out laughing and going, "Sugei!" Lol. I burst out laughing when I saw it too. And I still laugh when I see it happen in the video. XDD

I bought a really cool mini top-hat. I think I'll camwhore with it during the weekends. X3

Oh, and another reason for my good mood is this.

http://www.ventureblack.com/2010/01/girl-molested-at-siloso-beach-2009.html

HA! I hoped those fucking fags truly enjoyed their molesting experience now. I do hope this is true though. Though, molesting a tranvestite is still wrong because they are still counted as women.

I need to go sleep now. I'm half-dead. I still have not found a company to intern at~~~ T^T

Listening to: Matenrou Opera- Dennou Paranoia.

What the flying fuck?

2010-01-05T23:52:00.003+08:00

I've decided not to filth any J-Rockers' beauty with the ugliness of human nature in fucking Singapore. So I am not posting up any pictures for this post.

http://www.razor.tv/site/servlet/segment/main/news/41872.html

Seriously. This incident just goes to show how selfish humans are. The poor girl who is being molested, whether she chose to be there or not, whether she chose to be scantily-clad or not, was fucking being groped and taken advantage of so openly, yet all fucking people do is to fucking stand around, take videos and pictures?! Fuck, humanity is more pathetic than what I thought it already is.

People in the video who said, "Oh, it's common", "She asked for it", "She deserved it", "Too troublesome" and other fucking unsympathetic comments. Seriously. You have no fucking common sense. So if murder was fucking common, you will stand around and watch someone being murdered, take videos and pictures of it happening and brush it off because it's oh-so-fucking-common? It doesn't make any sense.

So what happened to shock and disgust when you hear about people being brutally murdered? You fucking people are just a bunch of fucking screwed up hypocrites. Save your fucking crocodile tears when you hear a young child being murdered or an accident that took away innocent lives. You can't even bother to help correcting something so wrong, don't fucking bother to put up a false front anymore.

The poor girl is too drunk to do anything. Yes, it is her fault for getting wasted and wearing such a skimpy outfit. Still, it is not a valid reason for the selfishness and cowardice that people fucking display. Besides, she is obviously trying to walk away but getting pulled back into the group of fucking horny bastards. And she might not have had the strength to push them away either.

Humanity is beyond salvation. It has sunk too low for redemption. One day, Singapore would perish without knowing why because people are so fucking insensitive, nonchalant, selfish and stupid.

Not that I have high hopes for humanity anyway.

But this is seriously too much. Who knows? One of these days, maybe being raped in public would be fucking common too.

I think weaponry should be a must for females, especially when the public is too cowardly and too selfish to lend a helping hand.

Dolce.

2010-01-05T23:23:00.002+08:00

Ruka from Himeichigo~ <3

Haha. New bishie obsession. X3

I can't stop rewatching Matenrou Opera's DAWN OF ANOMIE live at Asakasa BLITZ. Seriously awesome live. Sono is sexy~~~

Anyway, one song that keeps replaying in my head now is Matenrou Opera's Dolce.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Matenrou Opera- Dolce:

羽音を忍ばせ近づく　引き寄せられる甘い肌に
舌を這わせ　お前が望む場所をなぞる

切り取って裂いて　眺めていたいほど綺麗なその体
さあ　慣れた手つきで楽しませてくれ

果てるまで踊れ　せがむ声を出せ　裏切ってもっと
掴んで　俺を握り締め　加速させる　体を揺らせ

見えてんだよ卑猥な本性が　いっそやりたいようにやっちまえよ
お前は女の顔曝け出して　泣いて泣いて泣きわめいてろ
このリズムに合わせて揺らして　足の先まで力を込めて
もっともっと受け止めてくれよ　最後まで

果てるまで踊れ　せがむ声を出せ　裏切ってもっと
掴んで　俺を振り締め　加速させる　体を揺らせ

愛しさを感じて　虚しさを覚える
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Romaji:

Haoto wo shinobase chikadzuku　hikiyoserareru amai hada ni
shita wo hawase　omae ga nozomu basho wo nazoru

kiritotte saite　nagameteitai hodo kirei na sono karada
saa　nareta tetsuki de tanoshimasetekure

hateru made odore　segamu koe wo dase　uragitte motto
tsukande　ore wo nigirishime　kasokusaseru　karada wo yurase

mietendayo hiwai na honshou ga isso yaritaiyou ni yacchimae yo
omae wa onna no kao sarakedashite　naite naite nakiwameitero
kono rizumu ni awasete yurashite　ashi no saki made chikara wo koemete
motto motto uketometekure yo　saigo made

hateru made odore　segamu koe wo dase　uragitte motto
tsukande　ore wo nigirishime　kasokusaseru　karada wo yurase

itoshisa wo kanjite　munashisa wo oboeru
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Translation:

It hides its humming and gets close, pulled closer and closer to that sweet skin
I make my tongue crawl up, tracing to where you want it

Cut off and pierce that body so beautiful I just want to stare at it
So then make me enjoy it with your experienced hands

Dance until you'll die, let out your pestering voice, and betray me more
Grab it, shut your hands closed around me, making me go faster, make my body shake

I've seen it already; let your dirty true self　just do it like it wants to do it
You reveal a woman's face, cry, cry, scream
Shake to this rhythm, put in strength down to the tips of your toes
More, take in more for me until the end

Dance until you'll die, let out your pestering voice, and betray me more
Grab it, shut your hands closed around me, making me go faster, make my shake

I feel the tenderness and remember emptiness
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I've successfully fought the urge to eat Mc. Donald's today. -is proud of self- I hope I'll be able lose a lot more weight this year. And save money. @_@

Listening to: Matenrou Opera- Dolce.

REVOLVER BLAST.

2010-01-04T17:12:00.003+08:00

Juri from DELUHI.

He looks awesome like that. X3

My newest song addiction- DELUHI's Revolver Blast.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
DELUHI- Revolver Blast:

Nothing in believe and everything is wrong
Nothing in real and everything is alone
I wanna hear nothing and say nothing
Reach for the end 'cause everything is wrong

Can't see the truth
I'm going crazy now
Pull a trigger
Shoot a REVOLVER BLAST

Nothing in believe and everything is wrong
Nothing in real and everything is alone

Can't see the _____
I'm going crazy now
Pull a trigger

Limited life is waiting for you with REVOLVER BLAST
迷える想いに銃声と共に
どこかの空へと消えた

Make future with REVOLVER BLAST

その胸に風穴を開けよう
今ここから始める為に

真実を打ち抜けば何か見えるさ
確かなものを選んで行けばいい

Limited life is waiting for you with REVOLVER BLAST
迷える想いに銃声と共に
どこかの空へと消えた

Make future with REVOLVER BLAST

その胸に風穴を開けよう
今ここから始める為に

実を打ち抜けば何か見えるさ
確かなものを選んで行けばいい
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TRANSLATION :

Nothing in believe and everything is wrong
Nothing in real and everything is alone
I wanna hear nothing and say nothing
Reach for the end ’cause everything is wrong

Can’t see the truth
I’m going crazy now
Pull a trigger
Shoot a REVOLVER BLAST

Nothing in believe and everything is wrong
Nothing in real and everything is alone

Can’t see the _____
I’m going crazy now
Pull a trigger

Limited life is waiting for you with REVOLVER BLAST
It vanished into the sky somewhere
together with a gun shot at the feelings I linger over

Make future with REVOLVER BLAST

Open up a whole in that heart
so that now we can start from here

If we pierce a hole in reality we’ll be able to see something!
You should just decide on what’s certain and go from there

Limited life is waiting for you with REVOLVER BLAST
It vanished into the sky somewhere
together with a gun shot at the feelings I linger over

Make future with REVOLVER BLAST

Open up a whole in that heart
so that now we can start from here

If we pierce a hole in reality we’ll be able to see something!
You should just decide on what’s certain and go from there

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am so damn tired.

Listening to: DELUHI- Revolver Blast.

Serenade.

2010-01-02T22:57:00.000+08:00

Versailles~

I was watching the "Serenade" PV by Versailles on YouTube. It is seriously heart-breaking. The whole PV just seemed really empty. And there is just this really heavy aura surrounding the band. It's nice to hear something different from the band. Just that when it comes in this sort of manner, you kinda just rather them be the way they were before something drastic happened.

Kamijo looks so sad in the PV. Seriously. T^T

Anyway, I think most of the fans have yet to accept Jasmine You's passing. I, for one, am not a huge fan of Versailles or Jasmine You. But after seeing this PV, I am seriously affected. It's really saddening to have to have someone leave the band in such a manner.

On the brighter note, Versailles is releasing a new album JUBILEE -Method of Inheritance-. The official release date is 20 January 2010. Do support!

PV's up already though: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5L_ZdM7nmzo

Have a look. I realised that they are now signed under WARNER MUSIC Japan. o.O

I'm posting up the lyrics as well.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Versailles- SERENADE:

眠れない夜が津ずく
アナタに会いたい
時だって夢現
歌かたの願い

二がこともなくてを
とり二人歩いてきたこの道
ね、約束したよれ

どんなに多きなかれも
二人で超えてゆこを
思してままいないに
ますぐアナタに会いたい

古座したままの心
全てが鼓膜手
どこまで行けばいい
もう歩けないよ

から夢を居てまた
きえ行くさんぞを
そうなられぼしいのように

眩しい怒りはやなか
夜空の間ぼる涙
心のかくみなえて
こざした飛びｄろう開いて

いつかアナタに合えるなら期待
どんなにおをき中部も
二人でこうぇて来たね
有難うもう合歓打てて
一人であるけるから

アナタとふていた夢を
心のかりかいぇて
課バラスこの夜空に
いつかあさのつべてこの

あたべろに隠す
心はきずえと好くて
よざしたよりけえ
とどけおとよ闇を照らして
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Romaji:

Nemurenai yoru ga tsuzuku
Anata ni aitai
Toki datte yume utsutsu
Utakata no negai

Utagai koto mo nakute wo tooi*
Futari aruite kita kono michi
Ne yakusoku shita yo ne

Donna ni ooki na kabe mo
Futari de kowete yuko wo
Doushite mou inai no
Ima sugu anata ni aitai

Koza shita mama no kokoro
Subete ga komakute
Doko made yukeba ii
Mou arukenai yo

Kimi ni aeru kara yume wo mite
mata kieyuku sanzo wo
So nagareboshi no you ni

Mabushii hikari wa yanaka
Yozora no maboru namida
Kokoro no kaku minarete
Koza shita tobi darou hiraite

Itsuka anata ni aeru nara kitai

Donna ni ooki na kabe mo
Futari de kowete kita ne
Arigatou mou nemu utete
Hitori de arukeru kara

Anata to mite ita yume wo
Kokoro no kari kayete
Kanarazu kono yozora ni
Itsuka asano tsubete kono

atabero ni kakusu
Kokoro wa kizueto ikute
Yoza shita yori kete
todoke otoyo yami wo terashite
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Translation:

The night where I cannot sleep goes on...
I want to see you.
The interrupted time is depressing,
My song is long.

There were no suspicions, far away
On the road we walked.
Hey... we had a promise, right?

No matter how high the wall, we crossed over it
Why are you not here anymore? I want to see you...

Like this, to my heart,
Everything is problematic,
So how far should I go?
I can't walk anymore...

Because I met you in a dream, that dream will
Cruelly disappear again
Yes, just like a falling star...

That brilliant light has stopped.
And in the east, the night sky cries
My heart began to seethe,
And the door opens...

If I can meet you again someday,
Will I be able to see?

No matter how high the wall, we crossed it and came here
Thank you, you can sleep now, because I can walk on my own

The dream in which I saw you returns to my heart
Surely, someday, the night sky will lead to the dawn
My shaking heart will return to my warm chest
It's okay like this - I can walk, and the far-reaching sounds pierce the
darkness.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My mum bought Jolly Shandy~~~ X3

Listening to: Versailles- SERENADE.

pictures.

2010-01-02T20:26:00.004+08:00

Misery from Megaromania.

My current obsession. X3

I am dying from lethargy. I think I should see a doctor soon. I'm lethargic to the extent that it's weird. Even for a lazy ass like me. -___-

My hair faded to brown. Anyway, PEACE TO MIND. At least that's what my shirt says. Lol.

Trying to clear pictures in my laptop. So yeah.

This is my good friend, the oil blotter. Lol.

Vitamin water.

The cute little cat at the hawker centre near my place. Don't worry, this little critter isn't being squished by a bike. He was lying under the tyre.

Pochi's shoe and my shoe.

Weird clouds.

Hayashi udon! X3

Dango that Pochi bought from the Japanese fair.

Really yummy unagi sushi bought from the Japanese fair.

My right leg is falling asleep. School's starting next week. T^T

Japanese curry for dinner! *\(^0^)/*

Listening to: Megaromania- Prologue & Epilogue.

謹賀新年!

2010-01-01T21:54:00.003+08:00

Megaromania.

Haven't been posting up positive stuff for the past few posts. But anyway, starting 2010 properly.

謹賀新年!

A good year ahead for everyone, go after your dreams, do your best in everything and keep your lives on the right track. Damn it. I sound old.

Today was better as it went along. Pochi came over to my house. And basically, we met most of our neighborhood cats. Which was great. I love those cats. They never fail to cheer me up.

There seriously should be a year of the cat. These cute little critters need to receive the love they deserve!

I changed my playlist again.

1. Megaromania- Prologue & Epilogue.
2. Megaromania- APOCALYPSE.
3. AND- Blackout.
4. DELUHI- Two Hurt.
5. Nega- Haunted Jealousy.

Anyway, I'm being the lazy ass that I am again. I'm feeling lazy again. So I'm stopping here.

Listening to: Megaromania- Prologue & Epilogue.

2010.

2010-01-01T00:29:00.000+08:00

Three words to start this year.

Fuck. this. shit.

_|_

Fuck this.

2009-12-31T12:26:00.002+08:00

I am not posting a picture of any J-Rocker up because right now, I am downright pissed off.

It is the fucking last day of 2009, and why am I pissed?

One, my mother, treats me like a fucking 8-year old INSTEAD of the 18-year old that I fucking legally am. For fuck's sake, it's just a fucking stay-over. And what? I have to leave home only in the fucking evening?! Why don't you just fucking tie the whole fucking family up and stay at home all day, every fucking festive season and public holiday? You complain when I stay at home too much, you complain when I fucking go out. So what the fuck do you want?! Me to be a fucking nun?!

Two, my own girlfriend, like last year, is doing work. Fucking schoolwork. Stupid fucked up schools.

Three, the internet is fucking slow. So it's the last day of the year and people just don't give a fuck about civilisation now?

Four, my fucking salary, which I was supposed to receive in NOVEMBER is STILL not here. Fucking Chan Brothers. _|_

Seriously. Great way to fucking end the year. I was thinking of putting up fucking New Year's resolutions. But I'm pretty damn sure they'll all turn out like shit now. Fucking great.

I'm posting it up anyway because I'm pretty sure I'm going to be in a fucking surly mood for the rest of today thanks to all this shit.

1. Stay away from fast food.
2. Not cut my hair, at least not in any way that alters it's length.
3. Do more exercises.
4. Lose 10kg.
5. Learn Japanese and get hold of JLPT 1.
6. Get my body, and most importantly, MY SKIN, in good condition.

Ughh. I'm in such a fucked up mood right now, I can't fucking think straight. Usually, my fucking resolution would just be "Have a fun year ahead". But seriously, I'm getting too old to just have fun now. Even my body is fucking protesting with all the fucking slacking I've been doing for the past 18 plus years of my life.

Great. Seriously. Fucking. Effing. Insanely. Awesomely. Great.

I'm done with this. Fuck it.

Ugh. Fuck.

2009-12-29T18:26:00.003+08:00

Ibuki from D=OUT.

I think he looks better with short hair. X3

I have shiny shoes. Lol.

I'm damn tired. I haven't done my work at all. So much stuff to complete in so little time. Why is the holidays so goddamn short? T^T

I want to sleep, sleep and sleep~

And of course, I want to lose weight.

Mehh.

I really am in no mood to celebrate any festivals. Too tired.

Listening to: AND- BLACKOUT.

Yawns.

2009-12-28T23:01:00.003+08:00

Ibuki from D=OUT.

Merry belated Christmas, everyone.

I've been too lazy to blog. I spend my days sleeping away.

Anyway, Pochi and I dyed our hair purple. But it turned out reddish purple. Though it is slowly turning purple. Lol.

I am really tempted to cut my hair because it curls like crazy since it is at my shoulders now. Which really annoys the heck out of me.

I am suddenly struck by laziness again.

Lol.

Till next time.

Listening to: AND- gang five.

1 year & 7 months.

2009-12-16T23:59:00.001+08:00

Ibuki from D=OUT.

Pochi came to my house after her exam at school today. Then we went to CWP's Cold Storage to buy ingredients to cook for our anniversary dinner. We bought 500g of beef, 2 potatoes, parmesan cheese and a bell pepper.

We had mashed potatoes and steak for dinner. Hahahaha. I realised that ever since I started dating Pochi, we both cook more and more often. Lol.

I wore a dress today to match my high-heeled shoes. And Pochi was seriously amused by it. But at least she didn't think that I look weird in it, just that it wasn't something I would usually wear.

Pochi still has her work submission to do. So yeah, the reason why we are both staying up until she is done with her work.

I love you, Pochi mochi. Happy 1 year and 7 months anniversary.

Listening to: D=OUT- Kimon.

Kimon.

2009-12-07T15:56:00.002+08:00

Reika from D=OUT.

Camwhoring. Lol.

Since I was posting up Aoi Tori lyrics, I might as well post up Kimon's too.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
D=OUT- Kimon:

心の奥に潜む鬼の素顔をお見せなさい
頭の中はとても晴れて　ただ回想しております
心の奥に潜む鬼の素顔をお見せなさい
人の世など安易に壊れてしまうような民主主義であります
心の奥に潜む鬼の素顔をお見せなさい
みるみる内に顔が青ざめるほどの快感を覚えます
心の奥に潜む鬼の素顔をお見せなさい
「　　　　　　　　」

すなわち我は無政府主義者でございます　ご機嫌を取るものなど何も御座いません
眠前に澄み渡りしものは　終わりなき回転木馬遊具

心の奥に潜む鬼の素顔をお見せなさい
頭の中はとても晴れて　ただ回想しております
心の奥に潜む鬼の素顔をお見せなさい
人の世など安易に壊れてしまうような民主主義であります
心の奥に潜む鬼の素顔をお見せなさい
みるみる内に顔が青ざめるほどの快感を覚えます
心の奥に潜む鬼の素顔をお見せなさい
「　　　　　　　　」

幼少の頃思い描いたおりました理想郷がここにございましょうか？
強者が時代を牛取るご時世とは

すなわち我は無政府主義者でございます　ご機嫌を取るものなど何も御座いません
眠前に澄み渡りしものは　終わりなき回転木馬遊具
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Translation:

Please show me the true face of the devil that lurks in the depths of your heart
The inside of my head is very clear, simply recollecting
Please show me the true face of the devil that lurks in the depths of your heart
There is democracy that can easily destroy people’s worlds
Please show me the true face of the devil that lurks in the depths of your heart
I recall a feeling so pleasant it makes my face turn pale in an instant
Please show me the true face of the devil that lurks in the depths of your heart
“　　　　　　　　”

That is to say, I am an anarchist. Things such as currying favor do not exist
What’s perfectly clear before sleep is an endlessly rocking wooden toy horse

Please show me the true face of the devil that lurks in the depths of your heart
The inside of my head is very clear, simply recollecting
Please show me the true face of the devil that lurks in the depths of your heart
There is democracy that can easily destroy people’s worlds
Please show me the true face of the devil that lurks in the depths of your heart
I recall a feeling so pleasant it makes my face turn pale in an instant
Please show me the true face of the devil that lurks in the depths of your heart
“　　　　　　　　”

Does the Utopia I imagined in my childhood exist here?
These times in which the strong cull the era

That is to say, I am an anarchist. Things such as currying favor do not exist
What’s perfectly clear before sleep is an endlessly rocking wooden toy horse
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am going crazy from anxiety.

Listening to: D=OUT- Kimon.

Aoi Tori.

2009-12-07T15:48:00.002+08:00

D=OUT~ <3

Haha. They look pretty in their new look. X3

As some of you may have noticed (unless you're blind or there is something wrong with your internet), there is a huge dog, wagging its tail, sitting beside my blog posts, holding a small TV.

YES! Now, my blog plays videos. HAHA. XD

Here's the playlist:
1. D=OUT- Kimon PV.
2. D=OUT- Aoi Tori PV.
3. AND- CODE「B」 PV.
4. AND- ギャング 5[five]

So yeah, enjoy them. These are the few songs that I'm addicted to for now.

Anyway, posting up D=OUT's Aoi Tori lyrics. This song is so melancholic. T^T

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
D=OUT- Aoi Tori:

青い鳥をほらあなたと見つけたよかすかに木霊すは蟬時雨
明日へと変わらぬ景色を眺めてはただあなたを愛す

晩夏の風は去りぬ瞳に宿る溫もり
心では泣いていてかりそめ笑う痛いほどに

遠くて気付いた事… 近すぎて気付かない事···
暗雲に感じてはあなたと何を思うでしょう

心に隙間が空きました人はそんなに強くない
どうやら羽を休めたらしい

青い鳥をほらあなたと迎えたよ繋いだ手を離す徒(いたづら)に
振り返る先にあなたがいて欲しいただ空へ帰す

さりげない言の葉確かめ合う両の手
感じる事はいつもできるもうわかる筈

青い鳥をほらあなたと見つけたよかすかに木霊すは蟬時雨
明日へと変わらぬ景色を眺めては

風へと、街へと、山へと、海へと、雲へと、空へと、星へと、
愛へと、愛へと、愛へと

青い鳥がほら誰しもにいる筈ただあなたを愛す
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Translation:

See, I found a blue bird with you! Cicadas and a rainshower faintly echoing,
Gazing at scenery that won’t change into tomorrow, I love you with all my heart

A lingering late summer breeze, warmth dwells in these eyes,
In my heart I’m weeping and laughing slightly, so much that it hurts

Things I noticed once they were long gone…things I didn’t notice because they were too close…
Sensing dark clouds, I wonder what I’d think with you?

A crack opened up in my heart, people aren’t that strong,
Somehow it seems I’ve managed to rest my wings

See, I took in a blue bird with you! Releasing joined hands,
before I look back in vain I want you to be there, simply sending me back to the sky

Words that don’t take such a form, both hands reaching out in confirmation,
I can always feel, I should know that already

See, I found a blue bird with you! Cicadas and a rainshower faintly echoing,
Gazing at scenery that won’t change into tomorrow

into wind, into a city, into mountains, into ocean, into clouds, into sky, into stars,
into love, into love, into love

See, a blue bird should exist in everyone, I love you with all my heart
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lab test soon! T^T

-keeps fingers crossed-

Listening to: D=OUT- Aoi Tori.

Reika- Gab Vol. 42.

2009-12-06T21:53:00.002+08:00

Reika from D=OUT.

Reika during a shoot for Gab Vol. 42.

Posting it up just for Pochi to see. X3

I am so dead for the lab test. Thanks Billy for lending me your laptop for tomorrow. I am eternally grateful! =D

I keep biting the back of lip-stud of my new lip-piercing. I think after the swelling of my lip has gone down, the stud is too long. I keep biting it by accident when I am eating and my lip just bleeds.

I am so damn tired. I am keeping my fingers crossed for the lab test tomorrow. @_@

Stupid Mixpod has some stupid problem and refuses to let me create a new playlist.

Listening to: アンド- ギャング 5

Mehbehbleh.

2009-12-06T18:12:00.002+08:00

Ken from ANDO~ <3333333333

As I've said, I was printscreening his face. Lol. But he actually looks nice in this. He looks guy-ishly bishie. Haha. X3

I am dying. From pure exhaustion. I slept till like 2pm in the afternoon and I am still very tired.

Flash lab test tomorrow. I really don't know what to do.

I am damn sleepy.

Listening to: D=OUT- Aoi Tori.

Ken.

2009-12-06T02:49:00.002+08:00

Ken from AND アンド~

My newest obsession. X3

Sometimes, I really don't know whether to pity the J-Rockers I fancy or what. When I am bored enough, I look through their band's PV and printscreen their faces. (Oh, hail the powerful printscreen button.) And hence, catching some of their really unglam expressions. XD

I am losing sleep again.

Goddamn Flash lab test is on Monday and seriously, I have zero, nil, zilch confidence on passing it.

Okay, so here's what it is now.

50+ project- CLEARED. (At least, on my part, it is.)
Del Monte project- IN THE BLUR. (I have completely no idea what the hell I am doing for this thing.)
Fiberglass chair project- HIATUS. (I've completely gotten stuck on the stage of cutting goddamn huge blocks of white bloody cursed goddamned foam.)
Rhino Gold exercise- HAVE NOT STARTED. (I am so dead for this).
ITP- SENT RESUME AND PORTFOLIOS. WAITING FOR REPLY AND FORMAL INTERVIEW. ( I swear the company got fed up just waiting for the damn portfolios.)

I have 2 goddamn weeks to get everything finished. I am really in the blur right now.

I think when the holidays start, I'll be in coma from exhaustion. I've never been so bloody exhausted.

I am going to try to sleep now. I woke up just now because I was having weird dreams of D=OUT. I've been having dreams of D=OUT recently. It's weird.

Listening to: アンド- CODE「B」

I dreamed a dream.

2009-12-01T23:03:00.003+08:00

Ken from And and Ibuki from D=OUT.

They're brothers. Lol. And Minase is stealing the show behind. XD

Posting up the lyrics of "I dreamed a dream" by Les Mizerables.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I dreamed a dream:

There was a time when men were kind,
And their voices were soft,
And their words inviting.
There was a time when love was blind,
And the world was a song,
And the song was exciting.
There was a time when it all went wrong…

I dreamed a dream in time gone by,
When hope was high and life, worth living.
I dreamed that love would never die;
I dreamed that God would be forgiving.
Then I was young and unafraid,
And dreams were made and used and wasted.
There was no ransom to be paid,
No song unsung, no wine, untasted.

But the tigers come at night,
With their voices soft as thunder,
As they tear your hope apart,
And they turn your dream to shame.

He slept a summer by my side;
He filled my days with endless wonder…
He took my childhood in his stride,
But he was gone when autumn came!

And still I dream he’ll come to me,
That we will live the years together,
But there are dreams that cannot be,
And there are storms we cannot weather!

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I’m living,
So different now from what it seemed.
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Listening to: Susan Boyle- I dreamed a dream.

Fucked up.

2009-11-30T09:25:00.002+08:00

Reika from D=OUT.

I.am.goddamn.fucking.pissed.off.

Seriously. I hate it when things that are planned nicely just get fucked up because people just decide to intercept the entire thing.

I really really hate people who just can't keep their fucking mouths shut.

I cannot breathe.

Godammnfuckingstupidshittyfuckedupcrappyshit.

UGHH.

I had less than 4 fucking hours of sleep.

My head hurts like someone fucking whammed it with a sledgehammer, chopped it off and threw it on a railway track and had it run over by a train. Repeatedly.

Fuck.

My throat itches and I have phlegm, mucus and who knows fucking what in my windpipe, lungs and nose.

What the fuck?

I hate my fucking EZ-Link card because it eats up my fucking lunch money, leaving me poor and penniless for lunch.

Fuck this stupid shit.

Wait, cancel that.

Fuck ALL this stupid shit.

_|_

Listening to: Gazette- RUDER.

Killing.

2009-11-29T04:05:00.001+08:00

It's fucking killing me.

Fucking hurts.

I don't want to fucking continue anymore.

Fuck.

2009-11-26T21:05:00.002+08:00

Ryoga from ViViD~

Haha. He looks a little like Pochi in this picture. It's a printscreen from 69-II PV.

I am taking a break from doing work (or rather, trying to do work) because flash is a total bitch to me. _|_

I am feeling really horrid. My throat has this really scratchy feeling, my head is throbbing, my eyelids feel like closing all the time and I feel giddy. I hate falling ill. I guess, everyone does. Lol.

Yay for holiday tomorrow! I swear I am going to die really soon if the school doesn't give me a break.

I am thinking of interning for an editorial job. But seriously, I think my English isn't up to standard.

I worry so damn much for my ITP.

I realise, I've been a really whiny stupid emo brat ever since my counsellor diagnosed me with depression. I guess somewhere in my mind, conscious or sub-consciously, I took that as a validation for me to act completely childish, wilful and unreasonable. I'm a bitch.

I really think it's time for me to suck it up and deal with it. Being such a whiny little asshole isn't my style.

I should really be studying for my flash lab test that's coming up. I'm so screwed.

Listening to: ViViD- 69-II.

Ill.

2009-11-26T13:12:00.002+08:00

Yuuto, Kazuki and Manabu of ScReW~

Lol. They do the weirdest things.

I am at home, with flu. Running a fever, my throat hurts like hell and my head is all airy.

Great time to fall ill, really. All my submission deadlines are next week, major presentation coming up and lab test next week. I am going to die.

My whole body is aching. My nose can't stop leaking.

Sometimes, I wonder. What is living for? After all, we are all living to die.

I want to live to be with Pochi.

But why does living prove to be so difficult? Why is something like just breathing, smiling and living just so difficult?

It's something so simple that it doesn't require thinking.

But why is it so difficult now?

Listening to: Matenrou Opera- Shinkirou.

Pets Lover Centre.

2009-11-25T22:20:00.004+08:00

Ko-ki from ViViD~ <3

Haha. Heavy image post.

Went to meet Pochi after I went to cut white foam in school. Went to Queenstown to have lunch. Then we came to my house for dinner.

Took pictures of many pictures of the animals at Pets Lover Centre. XD

Haha. A cute sleeping yellow-blue pudding hamster. X3

Two hamsters fighting.

A Syrian hamster drinking water.

A lop-ear rabbit.

A white lop-ear rabbit.

HAHA. Looks like a furry loaf of bread.

Two pudding hamsters in a food box.

Guinea pig. Funny fur~

HAHA. Funny robo that had a lot of trouble drinking from the water bottle.

The white lop-ear rabbit sleeping.

A bunch of sleeping puddings. XD

Enough of the cute animals. Hahaha.

Took 961. And the bus is seriously new. And what's weird is that when the bus doors close, it has the "Doors are closing" and the sound in MRT. Weird.

The seats are freaking new too. Can't see in this picture though.

The sky is really pretty today.

Pochi playing with the really cute cat that cheered me up the other day.

I'm having a headache.

Listening to: Auncia- Keycase.

Wither.

2009-11-24T23:59:00.002+08:00

ANOMIE- Matenrou Opera's alter-ego band.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Unspeakable pain consuming from within.
Slowly, you wither and die.
Fearing the inevitable end.
Yet, all you can die is watch.
As you rot and decompose.
Engulfed by foul emotions.
Strangled by self-pity.

Coward.
Grabbing everything and everyone you can lay your hands upon.
Hiding in false happiness.
Masked in pretty smiles.
You can only cry when you're truly alone.
When you realise that all is nothing but a vicious cycle.
A web of lies.

Confirmation of your sickness.
The venom now spreads like wild fire.
Razing all sanity and strength to ashes.
Futile attempts to revive.
Nothing is left when self-pity has completely taken over.

You hate what you truly are.
Pretend to be what you want others to see.
Your acts catches up with you.
Deceived by your own lies.
Blinded by weakness.

Crimson traps laid down.
One by one, you step into every of them.
Knowing their presence, yet not knowing where they are.
Knowledge serves no purpose.
Defeated by your own game.
Now is the time to pay.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Listening to: Lycaon- RED RUM.

Failure.

2009-11-24T23:36:00.002+08:00

Sono of Matenrou Opera~

He's my current obsession. Lol.

Anyway, I scored full marks for my lab test. Though quite a few people in class did as well.

I'm losing sleep again. Pochi was asleep really early tonight because she's down with flu.

Get well soon, my love. ^3^

On the other hand, I really need to rant. The remaining part of this post is my ranting. Just ignore if you do not wish to read about it.

I really feel like my mental state is getting me really badly. I can't control my emotions anymore. It just runs like some lunatic that cannot be controlled. I want to shoot it dead. It's fucking stupid. It's intangible. It's just in my mind. Yet it is taking such a huge toll on me. I am so lethargic that when I walk, my vision blurs out completely. Sometimes, I can even blank out for a few seconds before registering what's happening. It's just sooner or later that I'll get into an accident or something along that line.

But seriously speaking, it really seems like I can't care less anymore. I really don't know what it happening anymore. My life seems to be caught in a downward spiral. A never-ending sinking feeling.

I make the people who are close to me worry so damn much. Pochi, my gran, my friends and so many more. I'm fucking useless. I just can't get out of the state of self-pity. I'm sick of self-pity. It makes me feel like I ate something sick and can't throw it back up even if it's churning like a tornado inside of me. I'm sick of crying. I'm sick of everything. I'm sick of being helpless and totally reliant on everyone else to continue living such a wretched life. I don't fucking want this kind of life.

I feel like dying when people who know about what happened look at me with a look of pity in their eyes. I want fucking attention. But not from everyone, not in the way that you all are showing me now. I am not a fucking patient. I'm not fucking dying.

I'm just fucking weak. Fucking useless. Unable to keep my emotions in check.

I can't remember anything nowadays. Everything just slips from my mind. It's like nothing matters anymore. I know it's not true. I know I have someone who I want to be with. Someone I want to live for.

Pochi, I'm sorry that you have to go through all this crap. I'm not a good girlfriend. You hold me and let me cry. You put up with all my stupid moodswings. You do everything you can to cheer me up. You try to keep me strong. Yet, I do nothing but cry, pity myself, let myself sink. I'm fucking stupid. I turn love into something so fucking warped. Something that just traps you and slowly strangles the both of us. I really want to make you happy. I really wish that I'm stronger. I really really want to love you in a way that we can both be happy.

I'm a fucking selfish brat.

I swear I am fucking bipolar.

I don't know what to do anymore.

Listening to: Auncia- 2 pieces of presents.

Incl.

2009-11-23T13:19:00.002+08:00

Matenrou Opera~

I am dead bored in class. Lecturer is absent. I'm zoning. Nothing to do. Waiting for afternoon class.

I keep playing with my lip-piercing. I'm going to get it infected if I keep doing it. -___-

My lips are dry. I forgot my lip-balm. Ever since I got my lip-piercing, my lip keeps peeling. And the right side of my lip has this tingly feeling sometimes.

I've been watching Joshi Koushi. I like the ending theme. So I'm posting up the lyrics.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Meg Rock- Incl. :

Bokura wa mucha mo suru kedo
Nakitai toki ni wa naichatte all right
Konkyo no nai jishin demo
Toriaezu 'cos i'm included in your life

Sonna koto o dare ka ni iwareta wake janai no ni
Jibun de katte ni dame ni shita

Atama de wakaru koto ga kokoro de wa dekitenai
Minna to onaji sokudo janai kara

Shiawase no mihon to ka DEFOORUTO no imi ni
Madowasareteru uchi wa  kitto surechigau

Bokura wa mucha mo suru kedo
Nakitai toki ni wa naichatte all right
Konkyo no nai jishin demo
Tori aezu 'cos you're included in my life

Sunao ni omotta mama tsutaetai dake na no ni
Kantan na you de muzukashii

Dare mo kizukanakute mo  sasayaka na shunpo demo
Ashita wa kyou yori chikazuiteitai

Atarimae mitai da to  ureshiku naru kedo
Narete shimaitakunai itsumo itsumade mo

Bokutachi wa ima datte  mada yume no tochuu
Akirameta FURI o shite  zutto sagashiteru

Bokura wa mucha mo suru kedo
Nakitai toki ni wa naichatte all right
Konkyo no nai jishin demo
Tori aezu 'cos you're included in my i'm included in your life

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm dying from boredom. x_X

I'm wearing arm warmers recently because my arms are actually 3 or 4 shades darker than my legs. T^T Stupid sunblock isn't working.

I feel so filthy when I'm tanned.

Listening to: Meg Rock- Incl.

FAUST.

2009-11-21T20:53:00.003+08:00

Matenrou Opera.

Posting up lyrics of FAUST because I'm hooked unto that song. Sono is pretty and has a sexy voice. HAHA. XD

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Matenrou Opera- FAUST:

Hareru koto no nai yami hira hira hira hira koe ga mau
maboroshi wa genjitsu genjitsu wa watashi to iu gensou

sasoi no koe wa amaku nureta shitasaki de mi wo yojiru
watashi wa kako ni ochiru watashi wa kami ni somuku watashi mirai wo suteyou

kono te ga anata no te wo tsukameru no nara
kono mimi ga mou ichido anata no koe wo kikeru no nara
ima sugu kono inochi wo sasagetemo kamawanai
itoshii hito yo anata ga mou ichido iki wo shitekureru no nara
yami no yuuwaku wo azukeyou

yasashisa ni tsutsumare atatakasa wo kanjite
itoshisa ni tsutsumare watashi wa shinitai

kono te ga anata no te wo tsukameru no nara
kono mimi ga mou ichido　　anata no koe wo kikeru no nara
ima sugu kono inochi wo sasagetemo kamawanai
yami no yuuwaku wo azukeyou

ano koro ni modoshite
awasete kudasai
ikiteiru anata ni mou ichido

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Translation:

In a darkness that has never seen light flutter flutter a voice dances
The phantom is reality reality is the illusion called myself

The inviting voice is sweet it twists my body with its wet tongue
I fall into the past I go against God I will throw away the future

If my hand can grasp your hand
then if these ears will once more be able to listen to your voice
it would not matter if I offered up my life right now
My beloved, if you would once more take a breath for me
I will surrender my body to the temptation of darkness

Wrapped in gentleness I feel its warmth
Wrapped in tenderness I want to die

If my hand can grasp your hand
then if these ears will once more be able to listen to your voice
it would not matter if I offered up my life right now
My beloved,if you would once more take a breath for me
I will surrender my body to the temptation of darkness

Return to that time
and let me see you
One more time with you alive.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Listening to: Matenrou Opera- FAUST.

Snake-bite.

2009-11-21T19:54:00.002+08:00

Yuuto from ScReW.

Haha. He's super cute. I'm kinda sad that he's leaving ScReW soon. T^T

Yeah, as I mentioned in my previous post, I finally got my snake-bites (Piercing. Not literally, a snake bite. Lol. For those who do not know, snake-bites is two lip-piercings on the sides of the bottom lip). The right side of my lip is slightly swollen though.

Did I mention that the people at Primitive Arts are really funny and cool? XD The lady boss kept psychoing me to get different piercings, such as eyebrow or tongue piercings. XD And the girl who did my piercing was pretty funny too. Pochi kept disturbing me when I was getting my lip pierced. Then she just said nonchalantly, "Just ignore her lah." XD

I got a paper of aftercare of piercings. XD The piercer gave me the one on tongue piercings because it's similar to lip-piercings. Some of the stuff written in the paper is damn hilarious. XD Like this, was written in the paper.

WHAT TO AVOID:
Avoid: Anything which can possibly thin your blood and promote bleeding.
Example: Aspirin, alcohol, stimulants, acetominophin/tylenol.
No oral sexual contact- Including French (wet) kissing or oral sex during the entire healing period, even when you are in a monogamous relationship.

I was laughing like heck when I read that. Super lol. XDD

And I am not supposed to be eating seafood, spicy food or hot food. I just ate the chicken that my gran steamed with the special ginger chilli she made. XD I'm seriously trying to kill myself.

I feel so damn tired. I need to start doing my Flash. I'm so dead.

Listening to: ScReW- KAIROS.

Primitive Arts.

2009-11-20T22:03:00.000+08:00

Ko-ki of ViViD~ <3

Cutie. X3

Pochi went with me to CWC today. Haha. I love you, Pochi.

Bought beef chuck tender to cook today. Pochi and I had beef, cod fish and Japanese instant ramen for dinner. X3

Got my snake-bite, finally. Pochi paid for me as a super early Christmas present.

Have to go sleep now. I'll blog more tomorrow. X3

Listening to: ViViD- Kimi Koi.

1 and a half years anniversary.

2009-11-16T23:11:00.002+08:00

Minase from D=OUT.

Using his picture for this post because he's one of Pochi's favorite J-Rocker.

1 year and 6 months anniversary.

Pochi came over to my school after her class today. We went down to Chinatown to see if I can collect my pay. Which, apparently, isn't ready yet. -___- Never mind. Moving on.

So we took a cab down to Clarke Quay. We had lunch at Brewerkz. Initially, we had dinner plans for that. But since we were there early, then we had lunch there instead. Pochi and I shared a set of beef ribs and chilli fries. Personally, I feel that the meal was rather pricey. But the portions were rather huge and the food is good. So it's quite worth it.

After that, we headed to Pochi's house in a cab because Pochi was sleepy after eating. So we slept at her house till night time. Then she cooked cold udon noodles for me and she microwaved mochi.

Simple day. But I'm really really happy.

Just few days ago, we had a really bad fight. Bad to the extend that I thought our relationship cannot be repaired anymore. But miraculously, we are okay now. And to say the truth, I still love Pochi a lot.

I'm really very happy today. Words cannot describe how I feel now.

I feel really fortunate. X3

Pochi, I love you most. ^3^

Listening to: Matenrou Opera- FAUST.

Cassis.

2009-11-12T14:26:00.002+08:00

Uruha from The GazettE~

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The GazettE- Cassis:

ずっと繰り返してたずっと悲しませてばかりだった
きっとあなたさえも傷付けて僕は動けぬまま
あなたに触れる事が何故こんなに苦しいのですか？
きっと同じ事を繰り返しあなたを失ってしまうのが怖かったから

寄り添う事で拭おうとした忘れ切れなかった日を
あなたは何も聞かずにこの手を握ってくれたね

明日あなたの気持ちが離れてもきっと変わらず愛している
明日あなたに僕が見えなくてもきっと変わらず愛している。

I will walk together, the future not promised
It keeps walking together, to the future in which you are...

辛い事さえ忘れるくらいあなたを想っている
会えない夜を数える度に焦がれる胸

かけ違いの寂しさ募るどうか一人きりで泣かないで
どんなに離れていても信じ合える二人でいよう

どうかこのまま笑っていたいあなたを傷付けさせないで
時が経つ度薄れて行ったあんな想い繰り返したくない
明日あなたの気持ちが離れてもきっと変わらず愛している
明日あなたに僕が見えなくてもきっと変わらず愛している。
どうか僕だけを見つめていてどうか　この手が解けぬよう

I will walk together, the future not promised
It keeps walking together, to the future in which you are...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Translation:

Always, over and over again
Always, I did nothing but make you sad
Surely I've hurt you, even now I still can't move

Why does it hurt so much to touch you?
Surely, the same things will repeat themselves
Because I'm scared I'll lose you

By drawing close I tried to wipe away
That day which I couldn't completely forget
You just held these hands without asking anything, didn't you?

Even if your feelings fade tomorrow
I'll still love you unchangingly
Even if you can't see me tomorrow
I'll still love you without fail

And we'll walk together, the future not promised
it keeps walking together, to the future in which you are...

At least I can forget all the hard times
Thinking about you
Counting the number of nights I can't see you
My heart yearns for you

Inviting the loneliness of misunderstanding
Somehow, please don't cry alone
No matter how far apart we are
Let's believe in each other

I want to keep smiling like this no matter what
Please don't let me hurt you
The number of time lapses are fading away
I don't want to repeat those feelings

Even if your feelings fade tomorrow
I'll still love you unchangingly
Even if you can't see me tomorrow
I'll still love you without fail

Somehow, please look only at me
Somehow, please don't let go of my hand

And we'll walk together, the future not promised
It keeps walking together, to the future in which you are...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Listening to: The GazettE- Cassis.

Distress and Coma.

2009-11-10T11:13:00.002+08:00

Kousei from Drop Star Shooting~

I am in interactive design platform class, I just finished my quiz (which I got 70 out 100 marks) and I am bored.

Posting up the lyrics to a song that I am addicted to now. It's even my ringtone for now! XD

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
The GazettE- Distress And Coma:

Until your distress sleeps,
fill me up with your grief.
Until your distress sleeps... [x2]

Hello, dear my bride...
何を見ているの？
床に散った蝶も拾えぬその目で

忘れたいのは白過ぎた苦痛
信じてると言い聞かす傷は消えない

踊る踊る眠らせてと踊る
止まぬ涙
声を殺し弱く震える手に
唇を落とす

Hello, dear my bride...
足下を焼く
耳鳴りにもう近付く必要など

無意識に吐いた息が肌を沿う
寡黙揺らす刃に笑みを…
忘れたいのは白過ぎた苦痛
信じてると言い聞かす傷は消えない

痩せた夢に覚めぬ現実が映る
悲しみさえ
素顔だよと答えてくれるなら
傷付いてもいい

忘れないで
痛みを知るアナタに惹かれた事
此処…

「でおやすみ」

踊る踊る眠れるまで踊る
止まぬ涙
何も無いと心を塞ぐ度
枯れそうだと
痩せた夢に「もう一度」を歌う
悲しみさえ
自分だよと答えてくれるなら
傷付いてもいい…

終わる筈の夢に,
さよならが咲いてる
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Translation:

Until your distress sleep
Fill me up with your grief.
Until your distress sleeps... [x2]

Hello…dear my bride.
What is it that you're looking at?
Not even butterflies that have fallen to the floor can be gathered up in those eyes.

What I want to forget is that too-white suffering.
The wound that convinces you I believe in you won't die away.

Dance, dance, when I'm allowed to sleep I dance.
These unrelenting tears...
Killing my voice in these hands that shake weakly, I drop my lips down to you.

Hello…dear my bride.
Your footsteps are scorched.
Somehow, it must be necessary that they’re already becoming a ringing in my ears.

The breath I let out without thinking runs across my skin.
On a restrained, swaying sword, your smile...
What I want to forget is that too-white suffering.
The wound that convinces you I believe in you won't die away.

In my emaciated dreams, this moment I can't wake up from is reflected.
God, even sadness...
If you will answer that you’re genuine, then I don't mind getting hurt.

Don't forget it, that I was captivated by you who knows pain.

Right here, goodnight.

Dance, dance, until I'm able to sleep I dance.
These unrelenting tears...
Every time I close my heart off when there's nothing left, when it feels like I'll wither away…
In my emaciated dreams, I sing “one more time”.
God, even sadness...
If you will answer that this is you, yourself, then I don't mind getting hurt.

In these dreams that should end, our goodbye is blooming.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Seriously addictive song after listening to it for a while. But it gets sickening after I listen to it for 5 times in a row or something. Lol.

I am seriously tired.

I am panicking over which company to approach for ITP.

I really really don't like the idea of coming to school.

I am getting fat.

I am still craving for food. Like steak and fastfood. @_@

Did I mention that I am so tired in the morning that I walk into walls? Yes, I am serious. I walked into a wall this morning. Nearly smashed my face in, if I hadn't opened my eyes and stopped in time.

My head hurts. Ugh.

I don't know what I am rambling about anymore.

Most probably going down to UniQlo to get some more shirts with my classmates. I'm so sick of deciding what to wear everyday that I think just wearing plain shirts and jeans is fine already.

I'm lazy.

Listening to: Heisei Ishin- LOST WORLD.

Songs.

2009-11-08T20:34:00.002+08:00

Lolita23Q~

Final album "BeSt", with Sou as vocalist.

Woke up at around 6am to prepare to meet Liyu, Fong Kay and Nicolina at Toa Payoh this morning. Was late because my mum insisted on wrapping the present for Yin. Haven't seen everyone for ages. And most of them were really surprised to see me. Haha.

Anyway.

Happy 18th Birthday to Yin!

Nicolina and I were creeping about because we're "special guests" for Yin's birthday celebration. But because the weather is so darn hot, Nicolina and I were drenched in sweat by the time we actually showed up in front of Yin. I guess we're history's most haggard pair of "special guests". Lolol. XD

Had Mac's breakfast and a mini celebration for Yin.

After that, my shoes spoilt. At least one of them did. The sole was going to fall off. -___- Borrowed slippers from Yin and had to wait for an hour for the cobbler to fix my shoes. Walked around with Nicolina and her sister until my shoes were ready for pick-up. Haha. Thanks Nicolina and Nicolina's sister! X3

Bought a rose for Pochi.

Then took a train from Toa Payoh to Outram Park. Went to look for Pochi at the music studio. Her drumming teacher, Lawrence, was damn amused when I showed up with a rose stuck in a bottle of distilled water. Actually, the bottle was 2/3 filled with water because I drank 1/3 of the water before sticking the rose into the water so that the water won't spill when I was travelling. I think I looked comical holding a water bottle with a rose sticking out from it. All the ladies in the MRT kept staring at me with a smile or +___+ face. Lol.

Went to work with Pochi after she was done with her drumming lesson.I fell asleep at her workplace. I feel damn lethargic today.

I am looking through my list of J-Rock songs. I think my recent J-Rock band surfing craze is killing my laptop's memory. Below is the list of J-Rock bands I have in my laptop. There are too many songs and I think I'll be crazy to list them all down.

This list is of bands that I have one single (at least 3 songs) or more belonging to them.

1. 176BIZ
2. 12012
3. Administrator
4. Alice Nine
5. An Cafe
6. Ansinomy
7. as.milk
8. Auncia
9. Bis
10. BORN
11. Canzel
12. D=OUT
13. Danger*gang
14. DELUHI
15. D'ESPAIRSRAY
16. Dice And Joker
17. DIO~ Distraught Overlord
18. Dir en gray
19. DIS Marionette
20. Dokuritsukokka Ashe
21. Drop Star Shooting
22. EIMY
23. GHOST
24. Gothic ⇔ Number
25. HEIDI
26. Heisei Ishin
27. Hi:BRiD
28. Hizaki Grace
29. Irokui
30. Izabel Varosa
31. Juliadoll
32. Kazari
33. Kiryuu
34. LAST EVA
35. LM.C
36. Lolita23Q
37. Love Diving
38. Lycaon
39. Matenrou Opera
40. MEGAROMANIA
41. Nega
42. NightingeiL
43. NoveLis
44. Scar
45. ScReW
46. Shinkou Shuukyou Gakudan NoGoD
47. The GazettE
48. THE KIDDIE
49. VelBet
50. Versailles
51. Vidoll
52. ViViD
53. White Clover

This excludes J-Rock bands/singers that I only have one song of. Which are below.

1. Arc
2. Brodiaea
3. CHARIOTS
4. ClearVeil
5. Dali
6. Dual Jewel
7. E'm ~grief~
8. Existtrace
9. GOSSIP
10. Lamina
11. Miyavi
12. Nightmare
13. Puppet Mammy
14. PUREQ&A
15. SID
16. SIVA
17. SuG

70 J-Rock bands/singers. I feel kinda proud of myself. Haha. In the past, I'll limit myself to less than 5 J-Rock bands.

I am damn tired. Super long blog post. Lol. I salute myself. XD

Listening to: MEGAROMANIA- Transparent Shine.

I swear.

2009-11-07T01:21:00.002+08:00

Ko-ki~ <3

I just post this up because I am bored (only because I have insomnia and can't sleep) and amused by how Ko-ki looks like when he was in NoveLis. Just in case some of you can't recognise, this is Ko-ki from ViViD. Just that this was how he looked like in his previous band, NoveLis.

He looked so uber cute (he's still cute now though) and he had sparkly eyes. +____+ LOL. XD It's just amazing how he actually changed so much.

My little cutie is growing up so fast. -sniffles-

Anyway, back to the point of me blogging at this ungodly hour (literally).

I swear to cookies that if I am not going to be able to sleep properly soon, I'll die sooner than I think. Zzzzz.

I mean, why is it that when I am with Pochi, I'm damn sleepy and I sleep a lot but when I am alone, at home, with my pillows, in an air-conditioned room, at 1 freaking am, I am WIDE AWAKE.

This is a joke, I swear. A cruel one. T^T

Did I mention that I actually spent time browsing through peanuts and choosing the sides of the peanuts that have a small 'shoot' on it and eating the 'shoot' only? I swear I'm weird.

I feel like suffocating myself with a pillow right now. I mean, suffocate myself to the extent where I black out and finally get some rest. Not till I die. Lol.

Sometimes, I feel that people shouldn't make themselves sound too noble. I mean, after the entire "I am 100% noble" thing, you're the one suffering when you realise that you are not as noble as you think you are and get pissy at stuff.

Not trying to imply anything. Just a thought that I want to get out of my system.

I guess people are always trying to appear noble and cool. Stuff like that. But when they really get people to believe that they are very noble, they realise they aren't what they think they are. Then they get the downside of things. And obviously, the people who think that nobility can be taken advantage of have some fault too. But hey, why give people the impression that you're so open-minded when you are not. No one is going to shun you or despise you when you do not have god-like tolerance. Most of us don't have it either.

I think I'm rambling. I should just go to sleep.

-buries face in a pillow-

Oh yeah.

Thanks Randy, for the train ticket from Japan. Though I won't be using it anyway since by the time when I get to Japan, it'll have expired already. Lol. Thanks anyway.

Listening to: Drop Star Shooting- February the 13th.

Meh.

2009-11-05T20:41:00.002+08:00

Megaromania~

Misery looks so cute. X3

I am so damn tired. I got lost at Clementi just now. I swear my sense of direction sucks so bad.

I seriously swear on my life that I am so sick of school that the idea of school, mention of school, anything to do with school makes me want to puke.

I want an eyebrow piercing. I want to complete my snake-bite.

Most of all, I want to lose weight. GODDAMNITIHATEMYFATS.

My head hurts. Ugh.

Walking in the rain wasn't a good idea. At all.

The kind of stupid things that I do when I'm in a bad mood makes me wonder how I'm even alive till today. -___-

I've made up my mind.

I WANT A FREAKING HUGE AND CUTE SOFT TOY TO CUDDLE AND CARRY AROUND. THEN WHEN I'M UPSET, I CAN CRY INTO IT AND PUNCH IT.

Someone get me one? +____+

Listening to: Megaromania- God of Megaromania.

Throat.

2009-11-03T17:04:00.003+08:00

Uruha from The GazettE.

Just because I actually like their Distress and Coma PV (and the song itself).

I am lazing at home because I skipped afternoon class to cut my foam models in the workshop. After which I left for home at around 3pm because I am tired and I don't know what else to do to my foam models.

My skin finally got better! X3

The purple part of my hair is starting to turn white, which is pretty cool, actually.

My throat keeps having this scratchy and tickling feeling that annoys me greatly. I try to cough and my throat hurts when I do. It's annoying.

I am so tired that I can sleep the entire week away. @_@

I feel like eating something spicy. I think I'm crazy.

Changed blog playlist.

1. ViViD- Kimi Koi
2. ViViD- 69-II
3. ViViD- butterfly.
4. ViViD- Chroni Kyo.
5. The GazettE- Distress and Coma.

Listening to: The GazettE- Distress and Coma.

Robot.

2009-11-03T11:06:00.003+08:00

Teru from Versailles.

Reminds me of An Cafe though~

I'm damn hungry~~

Ate this on 28 October.

And this is what I am doing now~~ Building robots!

MJ and my robots.

My robot is a SM Mistress too!

I am starving. T^T

Listening to: Lycaon- RED RUM.

Myojou Orion

2009-11-02T16:58:00.002+08:00

Ko-ki from ViViD~ <3

Yes, my little cutie. -squishes him-

I am dying from exhaustion. I mean, I haven't done anything much in school, due to the fact that I completely lack interest in anything that has to do with experience and product design, but I'm still really exhausted.

I worry about all my deadlines, worry about all sorts of stuff. I'm worrying myself into an illness soon. Ughh. Horrible.

My throat has been really cranked up. When I wake up in the morning, my throat feels really scratchy and I sound like an old man. There's a lot of phelgm in my throat too. I'm really really dying from exhaustion. I'm so lethargic that my brain isn't functioning at all.

I'm in a horrible mood. I feel upset for no reason. I feel like beating someone up. I feel like stabbing something. I feel like ripping something apart. I feel like screaming and screwing up my throat once and for all. I feel like punching the wall. I feel like kicking the wall. I feel like running into the wall. I feel like smashing everything in my sight. I feel like crying. I feel like breaking things. I feel like seeing blood. I feel like tasting blood. I feel like making something bleed.

Talking about blood, my gums bled when I was brushing my teeth this morning. I am so exhausted that it didn't faze me at all.

I keep re-watching the video of ViViD's 69-II PV making. I'm sad that there isn't any update for ViViD. And Ko-ki isn't posting up any pictures of himself in his blog either.

I really feel like dying.

This is one of the times where I wish I just have a really huge soft toy to cuddle and cry into.

Listening to: D=OUT- Myojou Orion.

Forget it.

2009-10-28T01:17:00.002+08:00

Manabu of ScReW~

LOL. He seriously has the "WATCHU YOU THINK YOU LOOKIN' AT? NEVER SEEN A GANGSTA BEFORE?" face. Lol. It's taken from making of Genei no Kusari PV part 2.

I'm up blogging because... Yeah, it's an obvious reason. Insomnia.

Changing my email is really troublesome. -sigh- I have to divert so many of my stuff from my old email to my new email. -facepalm-

I was thinking. When people say, "Forget it, it doesn't matter anymore.", do they really mean it? I mean, humans are not computers. You can't just delete something, clear the system and lose it forever. Which is why, isn't saying things like, "forget it", "let's take it like it didn't happen" really stupid? Fact is, it DID happen and it CANNOT be forgotten just at a snap of a finger.

Which brings me well to another topic, changing of my name.

A lot of people have been asking me, "Why did you suddenly change your name from Toya to Haku?" For this, I have reasons.

1. I'm bored of the name "Toya". I'm someone who needs to change once in a while or I get bored to the extent where I want to ram myself into the wall.
2. I'm thinking of setting up a J-Rock or Neo Classical band after my graduation. Haku is most probably going to be my band name.
3. Doesn't mean that when I change my name, I can't or would not use my previous name.

Seriously. I have so many names.
1. Airisu
2. Willows
3. Yanagi
4. Requiescat
5. Toya

And so many more that I can't remember them all at one go. Haku is just one of them. I mean, you call me by any of those names, I'll still respond. It's just that Haku is the one I am currently using. Lol.

So don't keep suspecting that something bad happened to me and hence the drastic change (it's not even that big a deal, really) going on. I still like the name "Toya" and I would still use it when I am not using the name "Haku".

So I hope this settles the issue. Lol.

And as for people asking me, "So, are you using your new email or both the old and the new one?" It's simple. If I had took the trouble to change my email, what do you think? I am using the one I asked you to change to. If I am using both, I'll say so.

I'm feeling depressed for no reason at all. I just feel like... I don't know.

There are just so many things running through my head and I am trying to clear them by ranting. Things like...

My habit of liking someone first for their looks. I was thinking, liking a person based on looks makes me superficial and shallow. But even if I think that way, I can't change it. I have very little tolerance to people who I deem ugly. Though I am not good-looking myself.

I guess this is what they mean by seeking what you lack in someone else. What other people have is always better than what I have. That sort of logic.

I'm running around in circles. No direction for my life. No plans. No nothing. It just feels like everything I am holding unto or that is supposedly 'mine' is just an illusion. Nothing feels real. Not even pain, not even emotions. It just seems like a veil of lies.

I can't tell what's reality and what's false anymore.

Life is such a chore.

Listening to: D=OUT- Kimon.

IDT test.

2009-10-27T09:12:00.001+08:00

Ko-ki of ViViD~ <3

Haha. He has a weird sense of fashion. X3

Just finished my IDT test. Finished the test in 3 minutes and 55 seconds. Got 80/100. Lol. Funny~

Listening to: Lycaon- Cordceps Sinesis.

Koi no bakansu.

2009-10-26T21:48:00.000+08:00

Ko-ki of ViViD~ <3

He's damn cute. X3

I'm currently addicted to D=OUT's Koi no Bakansu PV and song. The PV is so epic. XD You all can find the PV on YouTube.

My throat hurts. I am running a fever. Seriously, I think my immunity system is shutting down on me again. @_@

Listening to: D=OUT- Koi no Bakansu.